When you’re the parent of more than one child, you can get so lost in the chaos of doing a million and one things at the same time, that even the notion of pausing can seem foreign to you. As a busy parent, reacting to stimuli seems to be the norm. But the more you can take a brief moment to pause amidst the chaos, the easier it will be to maintain a sense of calm.

You’ve heard us talking a lot about noticing as a way to take the edge off your rising temper by bringing awareness to it. While noticing helps to shift your awareness, pausing helps to shift your behaviour.

When you’re stressed, the sympathetic nervous system activates the fight-flight response, causing irrational thought and behaviour. The aim is to activate our parasympathetic nervous system - our rest centre - which calms us down.

This is where the pause comes in.

Once you’ve noticed that you’re feeling like you’re close to losing your temper, the best thing you can do is distract yourself. Distracting yourself helps you to calm down and redirect the tense energy you’re feeling.

In a moment of crisis, here are some strategies to help you redirect your energy.

What can I do in a moment of crisis?

Deep breathing. We know it sounds cliche, but in a moment of intense stress, there really is nothing more helpful than deep breathing. It really does work. Take deep breaths in moments when you feel yourself about to lose your temper and it will really help to diffuse the emotional charge.

Step away from the situation. As long as your kids are somewhere safe, you can step away. Even if your little one is throwing a huge tantrum, it’s better that you take space away from their screaming than make it worse by yelling at them. Do the best you can with getting some space when you need it.

Stay quiet. If you can be sure that nothing that comes out of your mouth is going to help, then stay silent. Even if you have to put your hand over your mouth, do what you can to prevent angry words from coming out of your mouth.

Move or stretch. When your nervous system is activated and ready for action, then do something to discharge the energy. Dance, run, take the dog for a walk, or do some yoga. Anything that can move the energy through and out of your body will help to calm you down. We recommend putting on your favourite tunes and dancing (and singing) like no one is watching.

Name it. Naming what you’re feeling and sharing it with your kids can be a great way to diffuse the tension. Say something like, “I’m feeling quite stressed, and I’m about to yell at you. I need to calm down. You can sit here in silence or breathe with me, but if you whine and scream, I will probably snap at you.” This also models healthy behaviour that they can utilise in times of stress.

Use a safeword/phrase. Have a few words like a mantra or something that you can say to yourself when things get stressful. Either use a phrase that has a religious or spiritual meaning to you, or you can make up your own, like “everything is always working out”, “let it go” or “I make peace with where I am.”

Be silly. Humour is the best way we can respond to a difficult moment. Crack a joke, make a silly face, do a silly pose or put on a funny voice. The moment you feel like yelling, do something silly instead. Just be careful with sarcasm. Poking fun at your kids during a tense moment can make things worse.

How to pause before you lose your temper

Take a moment to try Unii's tips.