When parents contemplate taking time away from their kids, many feelings can bubble to the surface. Guilt is one of them. But we want to reassure you that taking time away from your kids (which looks different to everyone) is not only crucial to your wellbeing but will help tremendously when it comes to dealing with children.

Taking a little space helps you become less vulnerable to your buttons being pushed and will also help you calm down more quickly if you do get triggered. If you’re wondering how much space you actually need, consider how often you feel yourself getting triggered. The more frequently you find yourself reacting to your kids, the more space you probably need away from them.

While it is true that quality time with your children is important, quality time with yourself is equally important.

Much like the honeymoon phase at the beginning of a romantic relationship, there is also a similar phase that happens with our kids. Fortunately, this phase happens at a time when our kids need the most attention and care from us. But as they get older, they actually need both physical and psychological space from us.

Children do not need to be around us constantly - they need space from us. Here are a few reasons why our kids need space.

Why your kids need space from you:

They need to get to know themselves better.

They gain confidence and learn how to problem solve.

By spending time around other people including other adults, they learn to adapt to various communication styles, personalities and expectations.

Continuous attention from parents can feel intrusive and irritating.

More than anything, this is about attuning to your child’s needs – noticing when they need attention and when they need to be left alone. But to have this level of responsiveness to our kids, we need to slow down and get out of our heads. And that means we must take care of ourselves and take space.

So taking space is also critical for you.

As we said before, you can easily tell when you need space away from your children when you’ve been on edge for a few days, or you find yourself getting triggered more often than usual.

Ways to take space away from your kids.

When you’ve made a decision to take a bit of space away from your kids, remember to enjoy it. We understand that it can be hard at first, but try not to spend the whole time worrying about them. The whole point is that you are taking time to find peace and calm within yourself, which will help you become a better person, partner and parent.

Getting adequate headspace requires being physically away from your kids. Here are a few ways to help get you started:

Allow others to take care of your kids. Whether it’s a babysitter, friend or family member, as long as it’s someone you trust, ask them to take care of the kids for however long you need and feel comfortable with. If affordability is an issue, then consider starting or joining a babysitting group where you all take turns looking after each others’ kids.

Organise playdates at other parents’ houses. Playdates are a great way for you to spend time alone and for your kids to enjoy the benefits of being around other kids and parents. Confirm with the other parents what the plan is ahead of time so expectations are clear and each time your child is the guest, offer to host a playdate in return.

Drop your kids off at an activity and leave. Unless you enjoy watching your kids take part in an activity and/or connecting with other parents, use this time as an opportunity to be by yourself. Either go for a walk, read a book, listen to music, chat with a friend or just sit in your car and enjoy some quiet time.

Carpool. Organising shared lifts to school is a great way to have your mornings free to get some time alone. The effort required to set one up is definitely worth the payoff of not always having to drive.

Accept offers of help. It’s so common for parents to refuse help from others, feeling that it would be too burdensome to accept it. Of course, use your intuition, but it’s important to trust that these offers are sincere and accept the help. Not only does it help you, but it feels good for those that are offering the help. Just think how good you feel when you know that you are helping someone get a break.

Is it okay to get some space away from my children?