My child is refusing to go to bed — what do I do?

“It’s time for bed sweetie!” you exclaim to your little one as you motion for them to start putting on their pyjamas ready to be tucked in. But the moment the b-word is uttered, your child starts going into overdrive, acting more hyper than they have all day, usually ending with you feeling angry and frustrated at their lack of cooperation. At your wit's end, you wonder if these bedtime battles will ever end.

This is one of the most common bedtime scenes parents around the world experience every single night! The thing is, you and your child look at bedtime completely differently. By getting into your child’s head and understanding how they feel about bedtime, you can then start finding solutions to their needs (and yours!) and banish bedtime battles for good!

Before we take a look at solutions to your challenging bedtime experience, let’s first explore why your child doesn’t want to go to bed.

Why doesn’t my child want to go to bed?

After a long day, tucking yourself into bed and going to sleep is a highlight of the day! As parents, we look forward to these moments of rest. So it’s completely normal for parents to have a hard time understanding why their little one resists bedtime with such hostility.

Let’s look at some reasons why your preschooler may be so reluctant to go to bed:

They’re not tired. There’s nothing worse for a small child than to be asked to go to bed when they’re still wide awake. This means they’ll do anything they can to get you to stay awake with them.

They’re overtired. Usually, preschoolers are tired at around 6 or 7pm. If you’re putting your child to bed later than this either because you feel this is too early or you’re busy at that time, then it’s likely that they are overtired. What happens is that your child gets a second wind, which puts them in a ‘tired but wired’ state, meaning that they’re running on adrenaline and need help to wind down before bed.

They’re too excited by life! You could chase your preschooler around the house all day long and read every single one of their favourite books, and still, they won’t be tired. The thought of giving up the next adventure just doesn’t appeal to these excitable little people.

They’re too curious. Many young children believe that while they’re sleeping, magical and mysterious things are happening! As they try to go to sleep, they hear things around the house and are convinced that wonderful things are happening without them.

They’re afraid. For a lot of preschoolers, it is believed that monsters come out at night. At this age, their imagination is in peak development, so it is very normal for fears to emerge. Even normal outside noises such as dogs barking or trucks driving in the distance can be enough to stimulate their imagination. Their active imagination could also be why they don’t want you to leave their side. They want the people they love close, so they can feel safe and secure.

So now you understand why your child may be reluctant to go to sleep, let’s take a look at some solutions to end your bedtime battles once and for all!

Solutions to help your little one get to sleep:

Change the way you look at bedtime. Instead of seeing bedtime as stressful, try to see it as a wonderful opportunity to connect and bond with your child. See it as a ritual, for you, just as much as it is for them; a slice of your day dedicated to peace and calm and connection with your child. These are the moments you get to really deepen your relationship with your child. Perhaps even trying to leave your mobile phone in another room so you are less distracted while putting them to bed.

Adjust the time or length of daytime naps (if applicable) and up the daily activity, including more play outdoors when possible. This will help your little one to feel a lot more tired when it’s time for bed.

If you suspect your child is overtired, the best thing to do is to put them to bed earlier, preceded by a relaxing bedtime routine. Stressing over time, watching the clock or rushing things will cause tension for your sensitive little one. Carve out about an hour of your evening to help your child wind down, with 30 minutes of quiet activities before starting the bedtime routine, which should only take about 30 - 40 minutes, otherwise your little one can grow restless.

Creating a consistent bedtime routine as well as avoiding any activities just before bed will help your little one’s excitable mind feel more relaxed and ready for slumber. A good bedtime routine is one that is predictable and reliable. A great bedtime routine is one that your child looks forward to every night! This may involve reading a few pages from their favourite book, a long snuggle and a back rub and singing a song they love.

If your little one is afraid of missing out on the wonderful fun things that may be happening while they’re sleeping, use white noise or relaxing music to cover up any surrounding noises. This will hopefully prevent your curious little one from getting out of bed to see what exciting things are happening without them.

Avoid watching television. There are many studies that show how children who watch television before bed will not only have trouble falling asleep, but also have disrupted sleep. One study even concluded that children who fall asleep watching television will have sleep-related problems when they’re older. It is, therefore, well-advised to avoid letting your little one watch television in the hour or two before bed.

My child is refusing to go to bed — what do I do?

How to cope when your child is stubborn at bedtime.