Your child has been clinging onto you for the past hour, like a cute little limpet! But try as you might, you cannot pry them off without the risk of their crying. You’ve tried bribing them and telling them off, but nothing seems to be working! It’s nice when you’re the centre of attention, but sometimes it can go a bit too far. How do you stop your child from being your own personal space invader?

It can be hard when all a child wants to do is be near you. But everyone needs their own space sometimes, even parents! If you find that your child is constantly near your side 24/7, consider using some of our tips and solutions to help them gain more independence, a skill they’ll surely need as they grow older.

How do I know if my child is clingy?

Here are four key signs your child is particularly clingy:

The child sits very close to the parent whenever they’re present.

They follow the parent around, even when not asked.

Continuous holding of clothes, and climbing on the parent.

If they’re apart from the parent, the child’s behaviour can worsen, and tantrums can follow.

If this sounds like a little one you know, don’t worry! This behaviour is common in many children, and we’ve got plenty of advice to help them. Before we can get to the strategies, we must first look at why children can develop these habits.

Why is my child clinging on for dear life?

When children are constantly by our side, it can be for three main reasons:

A child might be afraid of being abandoned. They might feel that as soon as the parent leaves the room, they’ll be forgotten. This can be caused by low self-esteem.

They may feel the need to control their environment. If they can control the movements of their parent, the most important person to them, they feel more powerful. This can also manifest by placing themselves between the parent and other people.

The child could have an overwhelming need to be nurtured, and responds to this by seeking constant physical contact and reassurance. This can stem from having unmet needs in earlier development. They’re essentially making up for lost time by trying to maintain a constant sense of comfort.

Before we take a look at a few strategies that will help your child, we should also give ourselves a reality check. Ask yourself, “why does this need to be changed?”. It’s okay if the answer is for your own mental health. Having your child constantly in your personal space can be exhausting, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way! But now that we know the root causes of this behaviour, our solutions will help alleviate stress and anxiety for both you, and your little one!

What techniques can I use to give my child more independence?

These are the 7 top tips for helping your child with their separation anxiety:

Think back to your child’s early development age. Did they have an appropriate amount of nurturing time? A good amount of time spent bonding with you? If not, this is a stage that needs to be gone through.

Be prepared that whatever strategies you use, it will take a long time for your child to readjust their habits.

It can help to give your little one an object of yours to look after. This can be sprayed with cologne or perfume so that they can identify you from it. This helps regulate them when they feel the need to be near you.

Add dedicated nurture time to your routine. Your child will know there are specific times of the day when they have you all to themselves. This routine can help lower their stress levels as they know you will always be around at that particular time of day.

Where clinging behaviour is interrupting your interactions with others, make it clear that the interaction will not be stopped. Do not show your child that you’re stressed, as this can often aggravate their behaviour. After a few attempts, they should understand that you’re in control of the situation.

A great idea is cutting a string in half, keeping one half and giving the other to your child. Tell them that you can feel the tugs on the other end of the string because it is magical. When you make comments such as how you could feel the tugs when they were at school, this helps your child feel like they are not forgotten.

It’s good to have a reflective session with your child, exploring their emotions and feelings. Wonder aloud how they feel when you must leave for work, or when you’re talking to somebody else. You’ll be surprised how honest children can be. These sessions can be a special bonding experience, and they allow the two of you to understand each other much better!

A lot of children will feel separation anxiety at some point in their development. As parents, what we need to do is make sure we’re equipped with the tools and techniques to help our little ones discover their independence, and that the world isn’t going to explode if we’re allowed a bit of personal space!

My child is very clingy, is this behaviour normal?

Unii explains whether you need to do anything at all.