“I hate you!”, they scream at the top of their voice. You’re stunned. Why is your child saying this? As they slam the door, you’re fighting back tears in your eyes. Where is this behaviour coming from?

Being a parent can be hard, especially if your little one is going through an emotional time. But nothing is more heart-breaking than when it seems like they’re rejecting you. But you don’t have to feel like you’re alone. Children are complicated, and their emotions and feelings can present themselves in ways that leave you feeling distraught. With our solutions and strategies, we can work this out together!

What does this behaviour look like?

Here are the 5 key signs that show your child may need help with their behaviour:

They say hurtful things to you.

They reject your offers for help, or do not ask for help. They are determined to do tasks alone, even if it’s very difficult.

They may avoid spending time with you.

They reject your morals and values.

They may ignore you or pretend they can’t hear you.

If your child is following these patterns, please don’t feel hopeless! We have strategies to help you turn them away from this behaviour. But first, we need to understand the reasons why they might be showing these signs.

Why does my child seem to be rejecting me?

These are the 4 important reasons why children can turn to these behaviours:

They need to feel in control and powerful. The child might feel an overwhelming need to wrest control from the parent and give it to themselves.

In their mind, the child might be craving attention — the constant arguments and big reactions feed into this need in an unhealthy way.

The child might internally feel like they are unworthy of love, therefore thinking that this is what they deserve.

They might fear rejection. In fearing rejection, the child is self-sabotaging themselves by rejecting you first, rather than risking being rejected.

Now that we understand the reasons a child may display rejecting behaviour, let’s have a look at how we can turn this negativity around!

What strategies can I use to help them with this phase?

Using these 6 key strategies, you can help the child through this phase in their development:

This is one of the hardest things to do, but try not to give a big response when they say something hurtful. Without showing how upset you are, explain that what they’ve said isn’t okay, with an empathetic response. For example, “I can see that you’re hurting right now, but those comments have really upset me and that’s not okay.”

Using language that shames the child can do more damage than good and doesn’t make them aware of their actions. Phrases like “After all I’ve done!” or “You should be grateful!” only serve to push the child further away.

If the child is refusing to ask for help, you can try being in the room, but not actively showing interest. You can sit near them and say, “I can see you might need some help - I’ll just be here if you need me.”

If they do ask for help, try not to make it into a big deal. Use neutral language to acknowledge that they’re brave for asking, and then help them with what they’ve asked. The bigger reaction you have, the less likely they’ll ask for help again.

Think about and question your own interactions and behaviour. Just by considering your own behaviour, you’re going down the right path. If there are changes in the environment or your behaviour that can positively affect the child, consider doing that.

Look after your mental health. Make sure you have a support network that you can reach out to, and give yourself time away from your child if you can. Give yourself space and forgiveness to allow yourself to heal.

This kind of behaviour is one of the hardest and most hurtful things to experience as a parent, but you’re not alone. If you’re willing to try these strategies and make a change, there is a strong chance your child will move past this difficult stage in their development.

My child seems to hate me. How can I change this?

Unii looks how to deal with this heartbreaking behaviour.