Attachment parenting, also known as natural parenting, is a parenting style that involves keeping your children close to you at all times, rejecting pushchairs and prams, sleeping with them, and sometimes engaging in extended breastfeeding. All parenting styles are based on some form of interaction with your child, but attachment parenting demands an awful lot from the parent, especially when your child is very small. The term “attachment parenting” was coined by William Sears, an American paediatrician and author, in the 1980s. Dr. Sears co-authored The Baby Book and The Attachment Parenting Book on this subject.

Appearing on US daytime television talk show The View in 2012, Dr. Sears said that attachment parenting produces the healthiest babies he’s ever seen. He said they are more confident and better adjusted socially, and as they learn to trust, give, and receive love early in life, they form stronger adult relationships. More than forty years since it was first popularised, the style is hardly news, but it is reportedly favoured by a considerable number of celebrities—including Angelina Jolie, Kourtney Kardashian, Gisele Bündchen, and the actress, neuroscientist, and parenting author Mayim Bialik—and receives a lot of media attention as a result.

Do I need to practice attachment parenting so that my child can form a secure attachment?

The term “attachment” refers to the relationship between a child and a particular adult (who does not have to be their biological parent) and is used in scientific research on child development. There are four main attachment styles: secure, ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganised. A secure attachment is what most parents want. It allows a child to feel safe and supported, which is crucial to their healthy development. While different parenting styles may produce different attachment styles in children, there is no research that proves you need to practice attachment parenting just to ensure your child’s attachment is secure. A successful, secure attachment can be formed with or without you adopting this particular parenting style and has been linked to a child’s genes as well as the caregiver-baby relationship.

How can I practice attachment parenting?

Attachment parenting is a very demanding style that comes with many rules. There are books on this subject if you want to adopt the style in full. Let’s take a look at five methods and how much evidence there is that they are worth attempting.

Wear your baby

Wearing your baby in a sling or baby carrier is encouraged in attachment parenting. Physical proximity to a caregiver can promote bonding with a child and co-regulate your nervous systems. It can also promote speech development, as your child’s proximity allows them to observe and listen to you go about your day. Skin-to-skin contact has proven benefits for a newborn's development, though this is different from wearing a baby in a sling all the time (unless you’re keeping them in their nappy and down your top!). Some parents report that babies who are worn cry less and seem calmer. There is research to suggest that kangaroo care of premature babies after birth can improve maternal mental health, though wearing a baby sling or carrier for months after birth has not been properly studied in this way. According to the Lullaby Trust, slings are frequently used in a manner that is unsafe. This can result in accidents or restrict a baby’s breathing. The Trust recommends using the TICKS acronym: tight, in view at all times, close enough to kiss, keep chin off chest, and support back appropriately. This is an extremely difficult one for working parents to maintain after a point, so it’s important to note that while holding your child close is important, there isn’t strong evidence that doing it all day every day with a sling or baby carrier is necessary for their healthy development beyond newborn skin-to-skin and kangaroo care for preterm babies, as discussed above. It would be recommended by your doctor if it were.

Breastfeed as long as you can.

Breastfeeding’s impact on secure attachment has been studied, and you do not need to worry if you prefer to formula feed—the idea that babies who are breastfed form better attachments with their caregivers is not supported by evidence. However, it can help with bonding, nutrition, and immunity. Extended breastfeeding is a term that refers to any period of breastfeeding that goes beyond what your culture accepts as normal. An attachment parent may believe it should extend beyond the toddler years. The World Health Organisation recommends that babies exclusively breastfeed for the first six months of life and then continue to breastfeed alongside eating solid food until they are two years old or older.

Feed on demand

Breastfeeding mums are encouraged to feed on demand rather than impose feeding schedules. This attachment parenting practice is recommended by the NHS and can improve maternal comfort while providing for a baby's needs. A natural feeding schedule often emerges after a few months. According to Unii’s Baby Feeding Expert lactation consultant Wendy Lever, it is rarely relevant to introduce a strict schedule of feedings for a breastfed baby, simply because they are meeting so many needs (beyond hunger and thirst) through breastfeeding. As we cannot always know what needs are being fulfilled by any given feed, the simplest and kindest option is to continue to feed on demand.

Wendy says that bottle-fed infants are slightly different. Since the sole purpose of a bottle feed is hunger or thirst, you should begin a schedule once the baby is at least a few months old. She recommends keeping things as baby-led as possible by building a schedule around natural patterns in their feeding.

Sleep with your child.

Co-sleeping is not recommended for parents of babies because of the increased risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, which becomes even more significant if a parent smokes, takes drugs, or has had an alcoholic drink. According to proponents of attachment parenting, neglecting to sleep in the same space as your baby interferes with your child-caregiver bonding. However, the real and established health risk of doing this means Unii must warn against doing it.

Never let your baby cry.

This can be really difficult if you’re trying to get your child to sleep through the night. Sleep training is something that works for many parents. Research shows that sleep training will not harm your baby, and crying isn’t damaging them either, unless it continues for an extended period. However, if you want to practice attachment parenting to the letter, allowing your baby to “cry it out” is not the way to go. Attachment parenting involves responding to your baby's cries and other expressions of negative emotions quickly and with sensitivity in order to avoid extended feelings of stress and trauma.

How long should attachment parenting last?

Every child is different, but it’s normal for your little one to seek more independence between three and six. Hopefully your child will be sleeping through the night in their own bed at this stage and be able to explain to you why they are crying. Wearing them in a sling, while possible with a three-year-old, may start to get harder on your back and may be made redundant by them simply reaching for a hug when they want to. In the UK, there is no NHS guidance on when you should stop breastfeeding; it’s about what feels right to you and your child. Extended breastfeeding has health benefits for you and your child, and your milk will continue to adapt to their nutritional needs as they grow.

Attachment parenting isn’t for everyone. Critics point out that there isn’t strong research behind the techniques, and some—such as co-sleeping—are dangerous. Other parents are offended by the implication that sleep training or allowing a child to cry for a bit makes them somehow neglectful of their needs, especially when the evidence is to the contrary. However, for a style that demands so much—particularly of mothers—and has courted so much controversy over the years, it continues to draw a fascinating degree of interest from parents, including the rich and famous. As with all parenting styles, you do not need to follow it to the letter if that doesn’t feel right for you or your child. You know them better than anyone and may simply like to pick some elements of this style that appeal to you.

For more advice on supporting your baby and toddler’s healthy development, watch Unii’s Baby Development Journey video course and Toddler Health and Development video course.

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