Authoritative parenting is perhaps the most popular parenting style defined in developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind’s research and certainly sounds more pleasant and child-friendly than the other two—authoritarian (very strict) and permissive (very lenient). It also yields more positive results, according to available research, though it’s important to note that studying parenting is challenging because the process is dynamic and shaped by environment, resources, cultural concerns, and other factors external to a parent’s independent choices and behaviours. Authoritative parenting supports the development of a child’s autonomy within healthy boundaries set by adults. It involves listening to children, disciplining them in a positive way, explaining rules, being responsive to their needs, and encouraging them to communicate openly, even where parental reaction is likely to be negative. In Baumrind’s original research, authoritative parents used mild physical punishment as well as psychological reinforcement to exact discipline, though this is far less likely to be the case today, especially if it is against the law where you are. Research suggests that children parented in an authoritative environment have good self-esteem and self-regulation, are strong academically, and can be more likely to develop healthy relationships in adulthood. Authoritative parenting is sometimes called "dolphin parenting," with the dolphin being a metaphor for remaining firm yet flexible.

Where did the term “authoritative parenting” come from?

Behavioural and social scientists who study parent-child relationships recognise some basic categories of parenting styles. Initial research conducted by American developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind defined three categories, one of which was authoritative. The term “parenting style” is rather abstract and refers to a general approach, or a broad range of choices or “shoulds” made by a parent to shape how a child’s behaviour develops as they grow. Baumrind’s work associates authoritative parenting with high levels of both responsiveness and demandingness from parents, as well as more assertive, self-reliant behaviour in the preschool-aged children she observed. Later research by MacCoby and Martin (1983) described this parenting style as high in warmth and high in control.

How can I be an authoritative parent?

‘Give and take’ is a good shorthand for authoritative parenting, as once a child is verbal, this style encourages active collaboration with them on everything from rules and routines to chores and even family decision-making.

Explain your rules (including punishments).

Age-appropriate conversations about why rules are important and actions have consequences are key to authoritative parenting. Asking for a child’s own opinion and explanation where rules are broken is also key to involving them in your rule-making process, which could lead to better communication and a deeper understanding of your family’s values going forward.

Solicit your child’s opinion.

Checking in with your child and their understanding of how things work at home or school can help you get a sense of why things aren’t progressing as you might wish. Setting boundaries for your child while using language they themselves have used to express their opinions can support better communication.

Talk about why certain behaviours are unacceptable.

Understanding why certain behaviours are unacceptable to you and society at large is part of being a good family member and citizen. It’s important to put yourself in your child’s shoes in order to gain a sense of how much needs to be explained and how to do so in an age-appropriate fashion. Questioning why they think these behaviours might be wrong is also useful in assessing their reasoning.

Set clear, realistic expectations.

Both authoritarian and authoritative parents set expectations, but the latter do so while taking into account a child’s individual needs, opinions, and abilities. Tailoring your expectations to your child supports achievable goal-setting, which sets children up for good self-esteem and a positive attitude towards self-improvement.

Why is authoritative parenting effective?

Acceptance and involvement

The acceptance and encouragement of each child’s individual nature and skills, combined with the involvement of their needs and opinions in parental decision-making, makes authoritative parenting effective, especially in large families.

Strictness and supervision

Definitions of strictness may vary, but authoritative parenting typically involves monitoring and responding to your child’s behaviour in a way that helps them understand that rules, expectations, and consequences are consistent. It can also create conformity across a family, so values are shared and the unit feels more like a team.

Granting autonomy and encouraging expression

As your child grows older and begins to individuate, allowing them more autonomy and encouraging their self-expression will make them more likely to participate in family activities and keep rules.

What are the benefits of authoritative parenting?

Research shows that authoritative parenting produces children who are more self-reliant, self-regulating, and generally content. They also display a positive attitude towards work and a healthy curiosity in the world around them.

Are there any disadvantages to authoritative parenting?

The advantages of this style mentioned above are open to interpretation. For example, you may not believe that a strong degree of independence is necessary while a child is still living under your roof or even that you need to seek their opinions when you are the adult in the parent-child relationship. If you and your partner work full-time outside the home or are unavailable for some other reason, you may become inadvertently permissive through your absence. Certain situations in life can cause a parent who believes in an authoritative approach to become more authoritarian or permissive. For example, some parents don’t believe in pushing their children to eat foods they’d prefer not to, even where the nutritional benefits are plain. The same parents may have a zero-tolerance policy about video games during the school week or screens before bedtime. Parenting styles are not prescriptive; as long as your child is safe and well, it is completely appropriate to take what you want from each one as it suits your family.

Do authoritative parents shout at their children?

Yelling should not be how anyone interacts on a regular basis, especially with a child. However, raising your voice is necessary in some situations, and parents are human beings. Rather than shaming people for shouting, it is important to emphasise that words and body language are what matter. An authoritative parent does not shame, belittle, ridicule, name-call, or use foul language when addressing a child, for example. Physically disciplining your child is strongly discouraged by psychologists and may be against the law where you are. According to the American Psychological Association, it does not improve behaviour and has been shown to promote negative traits in children, including aggression and bullying.

For more information on supporting your child’s healthy development, check out Unii’s Toddler Health and Development Journey with Dr. Nisha Patel.

Parenting Styles: What is authoritative parenting?

Unii looks at this most popular of the original parenting styles.