Permissive parenting, sometimes referred to as indulgent parenting, is a very warm, loving way of raising children that imposes few rules or expectations. It is one of the three original parenting styles defined by American psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s, along with authoritarian and authoritative styles. According to Baumrind’s research, a permissive parent allows the child to regulate their own activities as often as possible, avoids exercising strict control over them, and does not encourage much adherence to externally defined standards. A child’s cooperation, if it is required, is gained through reasoning and other conflict-avoidant tactics rather than “because I said so” parenting. A permissive parent shows little desire to be an authority figure in their child’s life. Rather, they present themselves as a supporting and nurturing resource that can facilitate a child’s needs and understanding of the world around them.

Baumrind found children parented in this way to be the least self-reliant, curious, and self-regulating of the preschoolers she observed in her work on parenting styles. Subsequent research has found that permissive parenting can result in children who have trouble following rules, behave in a self-entitled way, and can be more prone to aggression. It has also been associated with a higher body mass index in children.

How do I know if I’m a permissive parent?

Permissive parenting may be described as child-led or high in warmth and responsiveness but low in demandingness. There are degrees of perspective, of course, and what one parent may term permissive could simply be healthy flexibility in the mind of another. As with all parenting styles, as long as your child is healthy and safe, you can take what you want from any of the defined approaches and adapt them for your family.

Listen to your child.

Asserting yourself as the dominant figure in the parent-child relationship is less important to the permissive approach than to the authoritative or authoritarian styles. Instead, you listen to your child—including where the creation of any rules or plans may be concerned—and are highly responsive to their needs and wishes.

Indulge their interests.

Parents who prioritise the permissive approach allow great latitude in their child’s behaviour, meaning they can spend longer engaged in activities that appeal to them. This can have benefits if a child is fixated by a particular sport or author, for example, as indulging in healthful pursuits to a safe extent is no bad thing. It can also be of detriment to other skills and activities they may need to master to be successful in school or socially. Some research suggests that children of permissive parents spend more time watching television, for example.

Don’t push them.

Permissive parents don’t set standards or expectations, even where they may be age- or developmentally appropriate for the child. They also give the child few if any responsibilities, which one could argue encourages a high degree of dependence despite how the permissive parent appears to want a child to act autonomously.

Don’t limit them.

Permissive parents don’t impose schedules or routines. It is possible that a child will develop their own good eating habits, reading habits, creative play habits, and sleep schedule naturally if you create the right environment for them to do this. Most parents—and Unii’s experts—believe that good routines and consistency promote feelings of trust and healthy habits in children.

Let them learn consequences through actions.

Permissive parents do not instruct or warn their children, instead expecting them to learn consequences through the fallout from their actions. This can be dangerous if children are outside of an environment that allows them to experiment safely.

Are there any benefits to permissive parenting?

The lack of effort required in never enforcing rules or boundaries and always giving in when your child disagrees suggests that permissive behaviour may be easier for the parent, at least in the short term, than the time, toughness, and emotional labour required to maintain an authoritarian or authoritative style. It is also true that you cannot spoil a child with love, and raising them in an environment that is completely uncritical may instil great confidence and self-belief in them. Research suggests that children who are permissive parents have higher levels of self-esteem and may be quite personally resourceful.

For more information on supporting your child’s healthy growth and development, check out Unii’s Toddler Health and Development Journey led by Dr. Nisha Patel.

Parenting Styles: What is permissive parenting?