As parents and caregivers, we’ve all lost our temper with our kids once in a while. We try our best to be patient and to always stay calm, but when they behave in a way that we perceive to be defiant, we react, often without much thought. However, for discipline to be truly effective, it needs to be thought out and catered to the individual.

How we discipline a child depends very much upon their age, their personality, and even family size. A teenager requires a very different type of discipline to that of a preschooler and a cheeky and boisterous toddler won’t respond to a telling-off in the same way as a shy and quiet one. However, we can generally group behavioural traits to specific age groups, and by understanding their mindsets, we can go about adapting our approach to discipline.

Positive discipline has to begin at birth and continue all the way through to adulthood. But focusing for now on our jolly, excitable preschooler, let’s explore how they are thinking and what they are thinking about.

The terrible twos are over

The so-called terrible twos are a thing of the past, and your little one has suddenly become a curious, energetic and funny little thing, as entertaining as they are tiring. Two-year-olds have a rather difficult time of it because their imagination is beginning to develop and flourish, and suddenly everything becomes very real. Cartoon characters can be as real and scary to them as the living room sofa or carpet. There’s a lot to be learnt and a lot to be scared of! They also become aware that bad things can happen, even to them. And as a result, you likely had to deal with many mood swings, so well done!

But now it’s question time

But now that they have come to understand the world a little better, they’ve moved past their fears, and their language is rapidly developing, all they want to do is ask questions. They need to know the names of everything, how things work, why they work, why we need them, and so on. They ask why they must brush their teeth, why they must drink water and why they have to go to sleep when it’s so boring! Although it can be irritating and might at times come across as defiant, they’re asking because they really do want to know. And as with adults, if they know why they must do something, they’re much more likely to do it.

It is also at this age that kids can really come to understand the importance of rules. And again, they’re much more likely to follow rules if they understand the reasons for doing them.

So, how do we apply this knowledge in 4 steps?

Rules should mainly be put in place to keep your little one safe.

You don’t need too many rules, but they should be maintained.

Give your child praise when they remember a rule!

And if they forget, be sure to explain once again why we need them.

Finally, let them play and have fun. The more they play, the more they develop, the better their problem-solving skills and the greater their confidence.

Positive Discipline: How can I understand what’s going on in my preschooler’s head?

Here are Unii's strategies to help you gain insight into your preschooler's thoughts and emotions.