When our little ones begin to develop personalities, it can be hard not to label them according to their characteristics or traits. For example, if your child hides behind you when they meet other adults, you may want to label them as “shy” or “timid”. Or, if you are having a particularly challenging time with one of your children, you may want to label them “the naughty one.”

As the caregivers of our little one's lives, we need to be careful not to label our children as the labels we give them can stick. In fact, some labels can last a lifetime because your child will start believing and identifying with the label you assign to them.

Before we explore how we avoid labelling our children, let’s take a look at a few reasons why labelling can be so detrimental to our little ones.

Why is it important that we don’t label our children?

Labelling affects the way our children see themselves. Putting children into boxes means they cannot explore the full spectrum of who they really are. They become identified with a label, which means their growth is limited.

Labelling influences the way others treat our children. It impacts not only how they see themselves but also how others see them. This, in turn, influences who they become in the world. If you label your child “a troublemaker”, not only will your child live up to this name by getting into trouble, but other people may also respond to this label by showing a lack of empathy towards them.

Labels can change the way teachers treat our children and influence how they experience their school life. This results in their hindered ability to learn.

Labels limit our children's potential. Even positive labels such as “kind” or “clever” can still limit and influence our children’s potential. Again, labels, even positive ones, put our kids in a box and don’t allow them to be the multifaceted beings they are. A child that you label “athletic” but actually prefers maths to sports may never explore their preferred subject because of the influence of their label.

How can we avoid labelling our children?

Remind your toddler of the times when they have excelled in difficult areas. For example, you may want to tell a friend or family member about a time when your little one worked hard to overcome an obstacle so they can overhear the conversation. You also may want to say something like, “I enjoyed watching you smile and wave at the neighbour,” to a child who might otherwise be labelled shy.

Labels are commonly used with siblings. When a new baby is born into the family, the older child suddenly becomes the big sister or big brother. There is a tendency to make the eldest child responsible for setting an example of showing their younger sibling how to be a “big kid”. Instead of putting this kind of responsibility on your eldest child, we can also give appropriate responsibilities to our youngest child. This encourages all of our children to look after each other with shared responsibility.

We need to create a solid foundation of connection and trust with our children. This means allowing them to be curious and give them a sense of belonging and acceptance by allowing them to be all that they are. Accept them on their good days and accept them on their bad days, removing all judgement about what version of them is better than the other.

Instead of labelling your child “kind” or “helpful”, consider saying “you are being kind” or “you were very helpful today”. And rather than saying “you are shy” or “don’t be shy,” try statements like, “it can take some time before you feel comfortable with new people,” or “you are very chatty with people you know well.”

Should I be careful not to label my child?

Unii shares how to help your child keep a healthy view of themselves.