Vulnerability is scary. It means letting our guards down, taking our masks off and exposing an uncomfortable truth. And it’s also a risk! We have no idea how our vulnerability will be received by other people.

Vulnerability has a bit of a bad reputation because people associate it with weakness and ‘craziness’. There tends to be a belief that if you express vulnerability and share what’s really going on underneath the surface, you’ll end up humiliated and judged.

And judging by how most of us experienced school, it’s no wonder, right? If someone picked on us and saw us cry, we may have the whole class laughing at us. So protecting ourselves and pretending like we were OK or “not bothered” was (and is) a survival mechanism.

But now, as adults, if we continue to put up those walls, we keep out those people who could be our greatest allies in supporting us with what we’re going through. Although it’s safe behind that self-protective wall, it’s also very lonely.

You are not meant to do motherhood alone. It gets intense – physically, mentally and emotionally. But vulnerability builds intimacy and strengthens your relationships, which will help you tremendously with getting the support you need through this empowerment journey.

So let’s look at a few ways you can lean into vulnerability and get the support you deserve.

How to lean more into vulnerability?

Share with the right people. Vulnerability needs safety and trust. Speak to someone who knows you well and who will listen without judgement and without trying to “fix” anything. Another safe person to speak to may be a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor. You may also want to consider support groups. There are some great support groups for mums, online or in person.

Take baby steps. How do you feel when a friend opens up to you? It often feels like an honour and a privilege when someone lets you into their internal world. But it can be a challenge to believe that this is what others feel about you. Take small steps to open up with people who you feel safe with and trust. See what happens when you open up just a small amount with that person. If they are the right person and respond in a way that supports you, this will increase your confidence to share more.

Understand what you need. When you have something you want to share with someone, understand what it is you need from them. Do you want them to simply listen? Do you want their advice? Do you need a hug? Or do you need them to support you with something physically? It’s not always an easy one to answer because we’re often so worried about the needs of others. This, of course, is what motherhood is about! But allow yourself to want what you want and need what you need. One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone is allowing them to support you.

Ask for what you need. Once you’ve discovered what you need from that person, ask them. If you would like to share something vulnerable with them, it’s always good to ask if they have the capacity to listen to you. If someone is busy or stressed, they will not be in the right headspace to listen and support you. Ask when they have some time for you to share your vulnerabilities so you can both feel prepared.
Express what you really feel. As well as expressing your wants and needs, try to be as honest as possible with how you feel. There can be a lot of shame around our deepest feelings, but keep reminding yourself that you are safe and that this person who you have chosen to be vulnerable with is there to support you.
Be willing to feel uncomfortable. Being vulnerable can be super exposing and feel very raw and tender. Keep breathing and reminding yourself of how brave you are. Be proud of yourself for taking a step in the direction of growth, freedom and true intimacy.

Final thoughts

Every time you let your guard down, congratulate yourself. Allowing yourself to be witnessed in your vulnerability takes courage. And know that every time you’re vulnerable with someone, you are also paving the way for others to do the same. Remember, you’re never alone. There are so many mothers going through the exact same thing as you. But you’ll never know that unless you practise opening up.

The world needs more raw, real authenticity! And you’re one of the change-makers making it happen!

The power of vulnerability: Can expressing my feelings be empowering?

Yes, expressing your feelings can indeed be empowering, and vulnerability plays a significant role. Unii explains.