Parental indecision sometimes begins before conception, and with good reason. The choice to have a child (or not) is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. You may find parenting the most valuable thing you ever do, but it will also be harder than you can fully comprehend until you experience it. It may feel like you live in an overwhelmingly pronatalist world where the message is that everyone should want children and should have them.

The growing child-free movement may reject this, but their loudest voices tend to articulate an assured decision to be child-free that you might not feel yet, if you ever will. You cannot predict exactly what you’ll have to reckon with as a parent, either, but it is possible to consider some of the benefits and challenges before you make a decision.

Some benefits of being a parent

Let’s start with fulfilment. Raising a child can give you a sense of purpose and satisfaction that is hard to emulate in other areas of life. The boundless joy parents sometimes express when observing milestones in their child’s life, from birth to academic achievements, is also hard to match.

Then there is that in-built support system. Becoming a parent is a time-tested method for ensuring you’ll be cared for by loved ones at the end of your life. You may get the opportunity to participate in the raising of your grandchildren and are more likely to remain integrated with a community as you age.

Personal growth is not something you’ll need to seek out when you’re a parent. Having a child compels you to change as a person. It teaches you to be more thoughtful, empathetic, and compassionate. You may also feel an increased stake in society, which can help you become more organised, accountable, and community-aware.

While we’re considering community, you may enjoy sharing treasured stories and customs with your children, as well as teaching them to tackle local issues as part of the next generation. This is an important way to contribute to the future of society and sustain your values and culture within it. Heritage preservation is not just a priority for the government. It can happen through the family itself.

Common challenges for parents

Raising a child can be expensive. From nappies to their studies, the costs can really add up, so financial stress is definitely something to consider when you’re deciding whether to become a parent.

Having children also means making significant lifestyle changes. Your time, energy, and priorities will be limited as never before, and you may have to forgo certain habits or hobbies you’ve invested in for years.

Sleep deprivation is a very significant part of being a parent, especially during infancy and adolescence. Will you be able to handle self-sacrifice, including how it impacts your physical and mental health?

Personal freedom is also something you need to be prepared to lose. Your travel plans, social life, and even your ability to leave the house will be changed by someone who is both entirely dependent on you and unable to contextualise how you may be feeling, and deciding whether you can handle that and remain in good spirits is important.

Finally, you may have heard other parents lament how the love in their home is abundant, but time and other important resources are not. This could put serious pressure on your relationship with your other half. If a couple has problems before having a child, the pressures of having a family will almost certainly make them worse. If you have them, consider whether these can be resolved before you start trying for a baby.

If you decide to become a parent, don’t worry about every question alone. Keep reaching out to other parents, your doctor, and community resources for guidance and support. Parenting classes or even just grabbing a cup of tea with someone who has been here and done this can lead to peace of mind and valuable information.

We believe that no matter what decision you make, your own well-being and happiness are always a priority. Deciding not to become a parent can also be the start of a wonderful adventure. Whether you choose to have a baby or not, there are as many ways to live a satisfying and impactful life as there are people trying to do it.

What are the pros and cons of having children?

Indecisive about parenthood? For Unii’s Preconception Journey, we look at benefits and challenges.