For some time now you’ve been using the time-out method as a disciplinary tactic, and at first, it really worked. But for some reason, your child isn’t really responding to time-outs anymore, often repeating the unwanted behaviours an hour later!

So what’s going on? Why aren’t time-outs working anymore?

Time-outs are generally a really fantastic method for discipline, but this is only the case if they’re used correctly. Many of us hear the word time-out and assume it’s an easy enough concept that we can implement without a whole lot of thought, but that just isn’t the case. In fact, there are a number of common and easy mistakes to make where time-outs are concerned.

But what are they?

What are the common mistakes when using time-outs?

Talking to your child during time-outs. It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of scolding or even shouting at your child once they’ve been put in time-out, repeatedly telling them why what they have done is wrong. However, this defeats the whole purpose of time-outs. Time-outs should be considered a break, a chance to cool off and think about what happened. So, after calmly telling your child that you can't allow them to hit their brother or draw on the walls, place them in time-out and don’t speak to them until it’s over.

Time-outs are taking too long. Time-outs that go on for too long end up being problematic, as it’s simply too much for a young child. As a general rule of thumb, time-outs should last 1 minute for every year of age.

Your child finds entertainment in time-outs. If your little one’s time-out space is one full of toys or even a TV, it’s not really a time-out. Time-out spaces must be free of distractions, quiet, and boring.

Your little one knows it’s an empty threat. Children quickly suss out when a threat of discipline is genuine or simply something you say and rarely follow through with. If time-outs aren’t delivered immediately after a behaviour justifies such a response, they’ll quickly become ineffective.

Your child feels insecure when in time-out. It’s important to think of time-outs as an opportunity to calm down as well as a space to think about what happened, but instead, we often make the mistake of associating time-outs with punishment. If a child picks up on this, they may cry and scream when put into time-out because they feel insecure and don’t fully understand the purpose of being there. If this behaviour is true of your child, soothingly let them know that the time-out is there to give them a chance to cool off, that you love them and will talk to them once it’s done, and then sit nearby if necessary.

Time-outs are being overused. If your little one is in time-out more often than not, this strategy is likely to prove ineffective and so it might be time to try another disciplinary technique or begin using time-outs in conjunction with other methods.

A parent or caregiver is angry and shouting. When we are highly emotional and allow this to translate during time-outs, we may inadvertently send out the message that the time-out is a rejection, not an attempt to help them calm down. Similarly, children will often match our emotions when we’re upset, resulting in more conflict and not peace.

Unwanted behaviours are not discussed afterwards. Once a time-out is up and everyone is feeling calmer and happier, it’s important to discuss the behaviour that led to the time-out. That way you can let your little one know why there had to be a consequence and what they could do next time instead.

Giving up on time-outs too soon. If you have only just begun using time-outs, know that it can take some time for everyone to fully get the hang of them and learn that they’re really beneficial for all involved.

What are some common time-out mistakes?

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