While you love your little one more than words can express, they’ve been somewhat of a terror recently. Getting them ready in the morning always leads to an argument, with them absolutely refusing to do what they’re told. And dinner time is even more of a hassle! Not only do they refuse most of the food put in front of them, but it’s a struggle just to get them to the table.

It’s gotten to the point now where you’re left wondering - What can be done to combat and prevent this defiant behaviour?

Thankfully, all hope is not lost. But before we get into some preventative strategies, let’s first make sure the behaviour your child is exhibiting is truly defiant and not something else.

Is it really defiant behaviour?

Don’t mistake dawdling and misunderstanding instructions for defiance. Young children will often find it very difficult to focus on a task if the TV or a fun game is distracting them. Make sure your little one hears you and sees you when you’re giving them instructions and be prepared to calmly repeat any directions.

Bearing these points in mind, let’s now take a look at how you can go about improving defiant behaviour.

How do you manage defiance in children?

Set clear expectations and establish ground rules. Be very clear regarding any expectations you have of your child, especially when it comes to household rules or chores. And make sure those expectations are age-appropriate. For smaller children, you may need to break down the bigger tasks.

Try to get to the root of the behaviour. Unwanted behaviours are typically caused by certain triggers that you’re unlikely to spot unless you look for them. Perhaps your little one misbehaves when they feel rushed, or perhaps defiance is a result of being tired or hungry. Explore potential triggers and then do what you can to alleviate any triggers.

Think of setting them up for good behaviour. It’s very easy to fall into the parental trap of looking for bad behaviour. Instead, look for positive behaviours first and let your child know when they’re behaving as you’d expect.

Talk to your child. Once your child is school-aged, take advantage of their ability to have a conversation. Talk to them and ask them what’s wrong, what they want, and how you can help them come to a solution.

Treat your little one as you yourself would like to be treated. Just like us adults, children will often have an off day, and when this happens, they need to be spoken to in a loving and understanding way. Show them how to express themselves when they’re upset or angry so they can follow suit.

Don’t be afraid to compromise and give your child choices. Children do want and enjoy some independence, so they may struggle when told exactly what to do. See if you can offer them choices or work together to come up with a compromise instead of constantly directing them.

What are some effective ways to handle defiant children?

How to make the best of your challenging child.