As parents, we have so much influence over how our children develop mentally and the behaviour they will exhibit over the years. Perhaps you can still remember the significant ways in which your parents influenced you and whether they were positive or negative.

Children are still developing as people, and like a sponge, they are soaking up everything they see, hear and experience - especially at the preschool age!

Whether your child is showing what you would consider to be either positive or negative behaviour, you may find yourself feeling the urge to control their behaviour in some way to set them on the right track. After all, as parents, you do make up a huge part of the way your child perceives the world. However, while your child will need a gentle nudge in the right direction, they must learn how to make the right decisions of their own free will.

It’s better to think about working with your child by guiding them instead of obsessing over trying to control their actions. After all, your child is a little person, not a machine that can be manoeuvred or programmed to move left or right on command!

Ultimately, we all want to see our children grow up learning to make the right choices. As parents, we must use positive discipline to manage their behaviour constructively, without excessively controlling or forcing them to act exactly how we would.

So, let’s firstly understand a bit more about why guiding your child’s behaviour is a positive direction for you to explore as a parent.

Why is guiding better than managing?

In comparison to the word ‘managing’, the term ‘guiding’ refers to gently nudging your child in the right direction rather than forcing them to do something. When your interactions with your child have the idea of ‘guiding’ behind them, they will naturally lean more towards behaving responsibly and making good choices.

So, now let’s look at some techniques you can use to positively guide your child’s behaviour:

How do we shift the focus?

It’s normal to want to overly connect the image of your child with the behaviour they display. For example, if your child misbehaves repeatedly, it might feel natural to focus anger or annoyance on the child rather than on their behaviour. However, positive discipline teaches that there aren’t any ‘bad’ kids but just bad behaviour. Therefore it’s important to shift the focus to recognising your child isn’t what they do or how they act. This will also give you more control over your reactions and responses to your child.

Positive attention = positive behaviour

One of the most important lessons to learn in guiding your child’s behaviour is that positive attention leads to positive behaviour. That is, we should take notice of what we give attention to. As parents, we often give attention to their bad behaviour, and don’t notice their good behaviour or respond to it as much. It’s imperative that your child gets enough positive attention to learn that good behaviour is looked upon favourably.

Giving your child positive attention

Ways to give your child positive attention can differ. But one obvious way is to make time to play with them and spend quality time with them. For example, make time to attend your child’s ‘tea party’ with their dolls or paint a picture with them. Give them praise when you see they are doing something right, and avoid overloading them with instructions, as they will shy away from interacting if they feel like you’re lecturing them.

Planned ignoring

Just like it’s useful to pay more attention to your child displaying positive behaviours, it’s equally as useful to use a technique called ‘planned ignoring’ to respond in the right way to their more negative behaviours. An example of planned ignoring would be if your child was throwing a tantrum, and you chose not to react to them at all. You wouldn’t look at them, talk to them, touch them, or try to make them stop. This will teach them that if they misbehave, they won’t receive the reaction they desire. This will in turn result in them eventually stopping the behaviour.

What are some ways in which I can guide my child’s behaviour?

Lead by example and pay close attention, says Unii.