You believe your child is developing the right skills at the right time, but how can you be sure? Do you compare them to other children? Or do you simply let them be? And then what happens if they struggle with certain tasks?

It can be tricky, trying to track your child’s progress as they get older. It’s even harder if you feel they’re not reaching their fullest potential quickly enough.

But don’t worry! We’re here to take you through a guide of major milestones in each area of development, and explain what your child should be able to achieve by the time they’re 4 - 5.

Just a quick reminder; children develop at their own pace. Please don’t overthink or stress if they’re not meeting these milestones the moment they turn 4 - 5 - these are guidelines, and they’re not set in stone.

Movement:

Your child now has the coordination and balance similar to an adult, and can do more complex activities such as moving around climbing frames, cartwheels and using swings.

This can lead to a new-found confidence, which might result in them walking without holding your hand and responsibly waiting before crossing the street, or swimming on their own as you watch on closely. You’ll be managing the balance between letting them be independent whilst being more vigilant of them wandering away!

Movement milestones:

Stand on one foot for 10 seconds or longer.

Climb stairs alternating feet without support.

Hop and attempt cartwheels.

Use playground equipment.

Hand and finger (motor) skills:

Your child’s hand and finger skills will almost be fully developed. With your help, they can brush their teeth, get dressed, and maybe even try to tie their shoes.

They will use far more attention and care whilst drawing, than when they were 3. When drawing people, you will easily recognise them, even if they may be missing limbs and fingers. More importantly, your child will recognise it as a person.

Some activities that promote hand and finger skills are: Writing and drawing, tracing patterns, card and board games, painting, clay modelling, cutting and pasting, and building complex structures with many blocks.

Hand and finger milestones:

Copy triangles and other shapes and patterns.

Draw a person with at least 3 body parts.

Grip a pencil with their thumb and fingers instead of their fist.

Write a few letters.

Dress and undress without assistance.

Unbutton and button medium-sized buttons.

Use a fork and spoon.

Can usually take care of their own toilet needs.

Language development:

By 4 years old, your child’s language skills will be blossoming. They will pronounce most sounds clearly, apart from some universally tricky sounds most children struggle with.

Their vocabulary will expand to around 1,500 words or more. Children at this age will tell elaborate stories, with complex sentences of up to 8 words. Not only can they tell you about things that have happened to them, but they will also tell you about their dreams and fantasies.

They will also be learning how powerful words can be, and their direct effects on people. Don’t be surprised if they come across as a bit bossy, asking you or their friends to do things. This is where you can help steer them with good manners, such as ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, be a good role model, and show them how to communicate politely with others.

Language milestones:

Recall parts of a story.

Use 4-word sentences.

Use words that are 100% understandable by strangers.

Use future tense.

Tell longer stories.

Say their full name and address.

Cognitive development:

Your child should be exploring many basic concepts that will be developing when they transition to school. They can understand the day is divided into morning, afternoon, and night. They should know the days of the week, and that a year is divided into months. Not only that, but they can also start understanding counting, the alphabet, big versus small, and what certain shapes are called.

There’s no need to rush these concepts, as they are all part of the school curriculum, and if you put too much pressure on them, they might actually become resistant to learning.

A wonderful way to explore more concepts is by visiting places that encourage thinking. If you haven’t already, take them to the zoo or a museum. Many museums have sections specifically for children to learn and explore.

They should also be showing specific interests, and now is an exciting time to encourage more research in this area. If they’re interested in dinosaurs, take them to the natural history museum. If they're becoming more interested in art, maybe a visit to a gallery might be productive. When you encourage the joy of learning, they’ll be self-motivated when formal education begins.

Your child will also be asking universal questions, like “why is the sky blue?” or about life and death. Please don’t make up answers if you don’t know. Instead, look it up with them, or find books that answer these questions in ways children understand.

Cognitive milestones:

Count 10 or more objects.

Correctly name at least 4 colours.

Understand the concept of time, more than when they were 3.

Know a little about everyday things in the home (e.g. money, food, appliances).

Social development:

Your child should have an active social life, filled with friends and family members. Ideally, they might have a best friend or two that they see regularly.

If your child isn’t meeting other children outside of school, consider visiting parks and playgrounds, where children can meet each other without the pressure of immediately making friends.

If your child has friends at nursery or school, you need to take the initiative to build their relationships. Encourage playdates outside of school. It’s important for them to let others into their home, and show off their toys and possessions. This can help develop a sense of self-pride. Your home doesn’t need to be luxurious; it just needs to be warm and welcoming.

Your child should also realise that their friends aren’t just playmates. They also have their own thinking and behaviours, as well as their own rules and standards.

Your relationship with your child might also change dramatically. You might find they’re rude to you for the first time in their life. Although it sounds weird, it’s actually a good thing! It shows that they’re learning to think independently, and challenge authority. A great way to develop this skill without falling out is to explore their feelings, including working out what they really mean when they’re rude. If you need to, time-outs can be appropriate.

Whilst your child is exploring the depths between right and wrong, they will still have an extremely simplified sense of morality. Make sure that they understand the difference between accidents and misbehaving.

When they do something that calls for a telling-off, make sure they understand they’re being told off for the act, not because they’re ‘bad.’ This separates the person from the behaviour, and helps them understand what went wrong, not that they themselves are ‘bad.’

Social milestones:

Want to please their friends.

Want to be like their friends.

More likely to explore rules and push back.

Dress and undress without much help.

Engage in well-developed pretend play.

Go to the toilet by themselves.

Brush teeth by themselves.

Show more independence.

Emotional development:

Your child’s fantasy life remains very vibrant. However, compared to when they were 3, they should be able to distinguish between reality and make-believe much more distinctly.

As they interact with friends and take in more from TV shows and films, don’t be surprised if your child experiments with pretend games involving violence. Dragon-slaying, adventuring or even games like tag can fall into this category. Don’t worry, your child isn’t being corrupted or becoming violent, they’re just exploring the limits of their imagination. What they should be able to distinguish is that even when they’re playing these games, they should not hit their friends. Just keep it in the realm of imagination.

Your child will probably be engaging with adults, being friendly, talkative, and curious. They will also be aware of others’ feelings and enjoy making people happy. They will also express concern if someone's sad or hurt.

Emotional milestones:

Able to distinguish fantasy from reality.

Sometimes demanding, sometimes eagerly cooperative.

Aware of their own emotions, and aware of the emotions of others.

What are things to look out for?

Every child is different and will develop different skills in their own time. However, it’s always a good idea to talk to your paediatrician if your child is still showing these signs at 4 - 5 years old:

Showing extremely fearful or timid behaviour.

Showing extremely aggressive behaviour.

Unable to separate from parents without major protest.

Easily distracted and unable to concentrate on a single activity for more than 5 minutes.

Shows little interest in playing with other children.

Refuses to respond to people in general.

Rarely uses fantasy or pretend play.

Seems unhappy or sad most of the time.

Doesn’t engage in many activities.

Avoids children or adults.

Doesn’t express a wide variety of emotions.

Has trouble eating, sleeping, or using the toilet on their own.

Can’t differentiate between fantasy and reality.

Can’t give their first or last name.

Doesn’t talk about their experiences or activities.

Seems uncomfortable holding a crayon.

Has trouble putting on or taking off clothes.

Cannot wash and dry their hands.

What are the milestones for my 4 - 5-year-old?

Unii looks at milestones your preschooler should be hitting.