Our kids are always asking for new toys! The brand-new robot that talks and dances all on its own, the cuddly toy with great big adorable eyes, or the doll that comes with five different outfits! And every now and again, when they've been particularly good, we give in and buy them the toy that they promise they will take good care of. But a week or two later, while you’re enjoying a good book on the sofa, you hear a sudden cracking sound from your child’s bedroom. You rush in to find them sitting on the floor, the doll’s leg in one hand, an arm in the other. The brand-new toy, the toy they wanted so badly, is not only broken, but broken on purpose!

‘I hate this silly toy!’, they say.

A lot of things end up broken when there are young kids running about a house, mostly by accident. However, when a child intentionally breaks a toy, it’s difficult not to feel frustrated, not only because we want them to take good care of their property, but because breaking toys can actually be dangerous. When a toy truck or an action figure is broken, it can leave bare little feet and hands exposed to sharp and jagged corners and edges. Not to mention the fact that it takes time to repair them and costs money to replace them.

So, breaking toys is most likely a behaviour that you’ll want to do away with. And to prevent this behaviour, we must first understand why our children do it.

Why do kids break toys?

When children break toys, they typically get an immediate and rather large reaction from adults. We may respond verbally (scolding and lecturing), perhaps emotionally (showing anger, frustration, and even dismay), and even physically (picking up the broken pieces and throwing them away), or all three! Despite the fact that it is primarily negative, breaking toys gets children a great deal of attention.

For other children, breaking toys isn’t a habit based on attention, but an expression of anger. But again, when we respond with lectures and scoldings, we don’t help them to learn to cope with the anger because when anger meets anger, nothing is resolved.

So, if scolding and lecturing won’t eliminate this behaviour and only reinforce it, how do we prevent our kids from breaking toys?

How do I prevent my child from breaking their toys?

These steps and tips should go some way to helping to stop your child’s toy-breaking behaviour:

Look out for signs

If you’ve observed your little one breaking toys, you’ve likely come to recognise certain cues that will let you know when they’re getting ready to do it again. Perhaps they engage in this destructive behaviour towards the end of the day when they're tired and hungry or maybe it’s when they’re alone at play and a little bored. Go over to them and try to help them relieve their frustration, engage them in an activity if they’re bored, or maybe grab them a quick and healthy snack.

Simply put, the better you understand when and why this behaviour manifests, the better equipped you are to prevent it.

Praise

When you work at eliminating a negative behaviour, it does wonders to actively concentrate on the positives. Children think in images. They hear ‘don’t run’ and imagine running, or ‘do not break that toy’ and inevitably break the toy. So, think about adjusting your language, and make sure to praise them when they handle a toy appropriately. For example:

‘Well done for playing so carefully with those wooden blocks!’

Emotion chats

It’s important that your little one knows anger to be a very natural emotion and that there is nothing wrong with feeling frustrated. However, breaking objects out of anger is not acceptable.

Try to set aside 5 to 10 minutes each day to discuss different emotions, working together with your child on how to best deal with them. During those 5 minutes, use the following three steps as a guideline for discussion:

Begin by discussing scenarios that make us feel different emotions. For example:

‘This morning I went for a run, and it made me feel wonderful inside! I felt very excited and happy by the time I was home. What makes you feel happy?’

If they respond, ask them for more details or, if they don’t, provide a few simple examples, like eating your favourite food. Following that, go on to discuss other feelings like sadness, all the time providing examples. And eventually, come to discuss anger.

‘You know, sometimes I feel very cross. Yesterday I couldn’t find my keys, and it made me feel angry. What makes you angry?’

Share a few more examples of what angers you and encourage and help your child to do the same. After they have acknowledged that different situations make us feel different feelings, ask them,

‘How does it make you feel inside when you are happy?’

The next step is to discuss what the child does to express their emotions. If they tell you that they break their toys, don’t express dismay or begin to lecture them. Instead, keep discussing all the many different emotions we feel and how we react differently to each.

Following this, let them know that you would like to explore different ways of reacting to emotions. For example, if you ask them how they react when they are happy, and they say ‘I smile’, ask them what else they could do to express their happiness. Have fun exploring different expressions of happiness, from singing and dancing to jumping up and down on the spot. Eventually, ask them how, besides breaking toys, they can express their anger. It could be to take their anger out on a cushion, or maybe they could try running around the garden to burn some pent-up energy, or perhaps simply asking an adult for help.

If something happens that triggers their anger during the day, carry out a condensed version of the process, asking them what the problem is, how they’re feeling, and what they could do to relieve their anger.

Time-out

If your child has broken a toy, calmly take them to a quiet spot and let them know that they can’t be allowed to intentionally break toys, so they’ll need to sit in a short time-out. Don’t give them any attention while they wait for time-out to be over but make sure the time-out space is somewhere safe, and not their bedroom, as this room should not be associated with punishment. After a few minutes have passed, let them come out of time-out, without any lecturing, and find them an activity they can get on with.

What can I do if my child keeps breaking their toys?

Prevent further destruction with Unii’s tips.