The dreaded day has arrived. The family is sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying a delicious homemade meal when out of nowhere you hear a single word uttered by a small, high-pitched voice. This word is a rather inappropriate word that shouldn't really be spoken by the owner of that little voice — your preschooler! Naturally, you're shocked and don’t know whether to laugh or get angry. You settle on something along the lines of, ‘Now we don’t say that word, because it’s not very nice’, all the while trying to hold back a smile.

You have always been very careful not to use inappropriate language in front of your child, so where on earth did they pick it up?

Our kids absorb words like a sponge does water, and when they're learning to speak, they’ll hear new and exciting words everywhere they go. They learn from their siblings, their peers at preschool, from old Mrs Smith next door, and even from the TV. Before long, they’ve developed a real liking for one particular swear word.

But why does your child seem to enjoy swearing?

Why do kids like to swear?

Children love to learn and use new words, so it’s not uncommon for them to hear a swear word spoken and immediately attempt to repeat it. As adults, we often use swear words for emphasis or out of frustration, so it’s likely to sound even more inviting to a child. They’ll most probably not understand the meaning of the word or initially recognise that it is considered to be bad. But as soon as they realise that these words trigger certain reactions in adults, they learn that they are special in some way and that their use quickly garners others’ attention. Other children also react to swear words, whether they repeat them themselves, laugh or even get upset, only encouraging their use.

Why should I teach my child not to swear?

It’s generally accepted that children shouldn't swear, but frankly, it’s up to you to decide why you consider it inappropriate. It might be that you believe it to be impolite, or you're worried about them being told off at preschool, or perhaps you don’t consider it to be a matter of much importance. Whatever the grounds may be, make sure your reasoning is sound and that you can explain it simply, because your constantly-questioning preschooler will inevitably ask why it’s not allowed. Ultimately, swear words offend many people, and this reason alone is sufficient for teaching your child not to use them.

Now, let’s take a look at how you can prevent your child from swearing.

How do I prevent my child from using inappropriate language?

If your child uses the odd inappropriate word, try to keep your reaction minimal and give the word as little attention as possible. However, if your little one has made a habit of using inappropriate language, it can prove difficult to eliminate. First, have a quick conversation with them when they’re not using this kind of language, and let them know that their use of these words worries you. Then explain why you yourself consider swearing to be inappropriate and unacceptable.

If this doesn’t work, try following these 3 steps.

Ignore

If they continue to engage in this behaviour, do your very best to ignore it. Do not lecture them, tell them off, or even look shocked, as these responses will only teach the child that this is how best to get your attention. If they happen to be around other children, siblings or friends, attempt to remove the other children from the situation without discussing the use of the unacceptable word.

Prevent

If you’ve come to recognise a pattern in your child’s use of bad language — perhaps they swear when angry or frustrated — you can take certain actions to prevent them from doing so. Let’s say your little one says the ‘s word’ when they’re frustrated. Their younger cousin is playing with one of their very favourite toys, a bright red bouncy ball, and they want it back, ‘now!’ Move over to your child and help them to express what’s bothering them without the use of bad language.

Afterwards, it’s important that you praise them for effectively dealing with their frustration. But more often than not, a child will use bad language to get a reaction from others, and it becomes much harder to predict when they’ll utter a swear word under their breath, or shout it out loud. If this is the case with your child, simply ignore the word.

Reward

A final approach is to make and use a sticker chart. Place a colourful, inviting sticker chart on the fridge or a cupboard that your preschooler can easily see and reach. Depending upon how frequently your child uses inappropriate language, come up with a realistic time frame in which they must refrain from swearing. Perhaps they will be awarded a sticker for every half hour that they go without swearing, or perhaps an hour will suffice. Let them stick down their stickers and at the end of the day, count up together how many stickers they’ve earned.

Praise your child and let them know how proud and pleased you are and suggest that you think they'll likely get even more the following day. As the stars increase, so should the inappropriate language diminish, and you can extend the intervals from thirty minutes to a whole hour, from an hour to two hours. But do so gradually. Once their use of bad language has decreased to zero, offer plenty of praise and let them know that they no longer need the sticker chart because you know they can talk without swearing. Let them keep the chart to reinforce a feeling of accomplishment.

What can I do if my child uses inappropriate language?

Disciplining your child about language could lead to an increase in their vocabulary, says Unii.