In today’s society, many people push for a more positive culture. You may have heard it covered in parental or educational circles. Behaving in a ‘positive’ way is a goal for many families. In pursuit of Unii’s goal to empower the parents of preschoolers through education, it is important that we unpack a certain idea of ‘positive’ behaviour and grasp what is really at its core.

So to start with, what do we mean when we talk about ‘positive’ behaviour in relation to young children?

How can I better understand the concept of ‘positive’ behaviour?

When we’re talking about parenting children, the term ‘positive behaviour’ is not entirely linked to what would typically be referred to as ‘good’ behaviour. From the point of view of some parents and other caregivers of young children, any unwanted behaviour is thought of as the opposite of ‘positive’ behaviour. A child who displays ‘positive’ behaviour is one that simply isn’t showing themselves to be challenging or difficult. That is, not challenging or difficult for their parents or caregivers to deal with.

What many people fail to realise is that just because a child appears to act in a ‘positive’ or in other words, a convenient way doesn’t mean that they are acting in a way that is the best for their individual health, happiness or long-term development.

Although it is accepted that our little ones need to learn how to behave acceptably, the goal should always be to judge your child’s behaviour in the context of each individual situation. Ensure that you are supporting and nurturing them in a way that will promote genuine positive behaviour and well-being over the long term. After all, a child’s behaviour is often heavily learned and shaped due to their external environment. We have a responsibility to ensure their world is a comforting, nurturing, exciting, and healthy place for them to be.

Now that you understand a bit more about what is actually meant when a child’s ‘positive’ behaviour is talked about, it’s time to take action. Let’s look at what you can do to help your child engage in behaviour that is positive for their well-being over the long-term.

How can I encourage positive behaviour in a healthy way?

Although there are many ways to encourage your child to express healthy and genuinely positive behaviour, educating yourself on how to properly cater to their development is the most important part. So instead of giving you rigid steps, here are some overall tips to keep in mind that will be useful in your parenting journey:

Acknowledge nature vs nurture: Remember that the best approach is one that acknowledges ‘nature’, but emphasises nurture. This means that it’s important to recognise that you, as the parent, have a key role in ensuring that the environment you build around your child is one that properly nurtures them. And while biology does have a role to play in their behaviour, keep in mind that it doesn’t paint the whole picture.

Your involvement is key: Think about the fact that your child needs you to be actively and sensitively involved in their lives in order for them to be able to thrive and develop in a healthy way. This type of involvement really underpins emotionally healthy behaviour in children in general, as their psychological needs are met.

Positive behaviour doesn’t equal complying with adults. Even if your child appears to be ‘behaving’ in accordance with the instructions you have set for them, this doesn’t mean that they are behaving in a genuinely ‘positive’ way. Although it may be satisfying on the surface, remember that positive behaviour in children doesn't always line up with simply complying with adults. It’s also important to factor in that always expecting a child to comply with adult demands greatly increases a child’s susceptibility to abuse.

Some behaviour may seem irritating, but it will serve a useful purpose: It’s normal to find some behaviours your child exhibits irritating. However, remember that you shouldn’t try to change their behaviour simply because of this reason. Ask yourself whether it is in the child’s interests to be helped to modify the behaviour. While sometimes it will, there are other times when this behaviour may serve a useful purpose. For example, fidgeting may help some children maintain concentration.

What can I learn about the concept of ‘positive behaviour’ in relation to my child?

Understanding the concept of positive behaviour in relation to your child means encouraging actions that promote their well-being and positive interactions with others.