“Darling, it’s supper time!” You yell to your little one upstairs, who is busy in the playroom with her dolls.

After a few minutes, they reluctantly come down the stairs and plonk themselves in front of the dinner table. You place a steaming plate of pasta and cut up pieces of broccoli in front of them, which they take a few moments to examine curiously before poking at the broccoli with their fork.

“Now, you’ll be a good girl for mummy and eat your broccoli tonight, won’t you?”

They nod their head reluctantly.

You leave them to their dinner, and return to the kitchen a few minutes later. To your great surprise, the broccoli has completely disappeared.

“Well done! You’ve eaten all of your broccoli!”

They look up at you with a half smile plastered on their face, and you instinctively know something isn’t quite right. They never eat their broccoli, and tonight they have decided to gobble it all up in the space of a few minutes. This cannot be?

Your little one finishes the rest of their supper and hurries back to their playroom. As you begin to clean up the kitchen, you pick up their plate and see all of the broccoli squashed under there. It dawns on you that your child has been lying to you.

Why do children lie?

It can be very difficult when you realise that your child has lied to you. In the adult world, lying is considered to be something bad, something to be heavily judged. However, lying can’t be measured by quite the same standards when it comes to our little ones, as even if they engage in it, they don’t fully understand the concept yet, or more to the point, its consequences.

Remember, children under the age of five don’t consciously lie. They are simply reading people around them, responding to what's happening, and trying out tactics to see what happens. They lie without proper awareness and can get very mixed up in their ‘no’s’ and ‘yeses’. For example, if you ask your child if they have been for a poo, and they say ‘no’, when really they have, this is an example of them simply getting mixed up, not lying on a conscious level.

It’s only when children reach a point where they become more aware of the power of lying versus telling the truth that they start doing either with more intention.

Now that we’ve learnt a bit more about why children may lie let’s talk about how you can deal with this type of situation:

How do I deal with my child telling lies?

Although it can be a bit of a shock to the system to realise that your child has lied to you, and a challenge to know how to deal with it, always remember to stay calm. Remember, there is unlikely to be any bad intention behind the lie, and your child needs guidance in order to know how to better their behaviour.

Ways in which you can help steer your child towards telling the truth instead of lying include:

Be matter-of-fact with them. When you notice that your child has told a lie, don’t be afraid to be matter-of-fact with them. For example, you could say something like “let’s find out what really happened here. Talk to me about what happened because Mummy wants to help you.” This approach gives you a better chance of getting to the bottom of the situation and finding out what’s going on.

Do your best to show your child they can be honest with you. Do your best to show your child that you are approachable and that they don’t have to be afraid of telling you the truth. If you do this, you are much more likely to be met with honesty.

Don’t be afraid to meet a lie with a consequence. Although there is often no bad intent behind a child’s lie, sometimes they need to know that there will be consequences to their behaviour. Therefore, if you feel it is appropriate, let them know that there will be a consequence the next time they lie. For example, “I’m glad you told the truth because Daddy wants you to be honest with him. But what you did was naughty, and for that, you need to go on the naughty step for a little bit.”

What do I do if my child is lying to me?

Honesty should not be a lonely word where parents and children are concerned.