Arriving at the drop-off point of your toddler’s nursery school, you hand their packed lunch and carton of milk over to their key person. You greet the other parents as they all wave their children off, and watch them merrily run into the classroom.

But there’s one toddler who isn’t nearly so willing to join their peers. You look down and see your three-year-old hiding behind you while clinging to your leg.

You give your little one a cuddle and tell them that it’s time for them to go and join their friends in nursery school, but this is met by a flood of tears as they hold onto you even tighter. Naturally, you begin to wonder - Why is my child so clingy? Is this a problem? How can I help them be more independent?

Parents, we know that having a clingy child can be challenging and distressing. Although children are still very little at the toddler age, it’s understandable to worry that they won’t grow out of their clinginess and develop a proper sense of independence.

However, if you take the time to learn more about what could be behind this clinginess, and how to deal with it, then you’ll be much better equipped to help them become more autonomous as they grow.

So, first of all, let’s delve into the reasons behind why little kids tend to get clingy in the first place.

Why does my child get too clingy?

All children are different. Some will be more confident and outgoing, while others will be more shy and introverted. And while it’s not hugely concerning that some children will find it harder to play by themselves and be more independent in general, there comes a point when a child’s behaviour is noticeably and worryingly clingy.

There are many reasons why a child can be clingy, and since all children are different, it’s not always easy to define what’s causing this type of behaviour. However, some of the main reasons can include:

The child’s temperament. There are some children that simply prefer being in their parent's company as this makes them feel safer.

A change in routine. Something as small as changing the time they get up in the morning can trigger clinginess in children.

A trip somewhere. Taking a trip somewhere close or far away can often be difficult for children, and cause them to feel insecure.

A change in work situation. If you or your partner find something changing in terms of your work timetable, and your child feels the effects of this change, it can make them feel like they are losing your attention and trigger clinginess.

New childcare. New caregivers coming into your child’s life can make them cautious, and can therefore provoke feelings of clinginess towards their parents.

Feeling unnoticed. One of the biggest causes of children feeling clingy is if they feel like they’ve been cast aside or not taken enough notice of.

They can’t manage independently. Some children simply feel needy because they find it harder to be independent, and rely more on adults to do things for them.

Now that we’ve looked at some potential causes of children feeling clingy, let’s find out what we can do to remedy this type of behaviour:

How can I help my child become less clingy and more independent?

While it’s normal for toddlers to need supervision, it’s important for you to understand how to find a balance between being there for them and enjoying time together, and giving them space to play alone for periods and develop independence.

Here are some helpful tips to steer you in the right direction:

First of all, spend some time playing with your child to let them know that you are there and that you care. Then, once they have settled into the play, let them lead a little bit more. Over time, they will grow in confidence in leading the play and will engage in this sort of activity independently.

Give them a lot of attention, and then leave for a moment. You could, for example, use the excuse of needing to put the laundry on. Then, come straight back. In turn, this will get your toddler used to you leaving and coming back, and they will start to understand this is normal and something they should be getting used to.

If your child is making it clear they want to be with you, try making the experience a little boring. For example, if you are at a birthday party, you could chat with the other parents. As this is an activity they won’t have any interest in, you may find that they will go and join their friends independently.

When your child feels included, they won’t feel so needy. Therefore, by doing simple things such as letting them press the buttons on the washing machine, or giving them socks to make into pairs when doing laundry, they will automatically feel more included and less clingy.

Try to see things from their perspective, and also acknowledge the way they are feeling. You can do this by saying things like “Are you feeling scared about this?”. This way, you’re showing them that you understand, without always trying to solve the problem for them.

Start your toddler’s day with lots of cuddles and attention. This way, they are less inclined to feel so needy later on in the day.

Always try to make them feel as safe as possible. For example, if you’re going to the toilet, make sure to explain this to them rather than sneaking off.

What happens when my child is too clingy?

How do you deal with an overly attached child? Unii has some ideas.