Minimalist parenting is a style that’s emerged in opposition to helicopter or intensive parenting, as well as our culture of excessive consumption, which negatively impacts the environment. It involves teaching kids to make conscious consumer choices and live with less while still owning as much as they really need. Critics point to how definitions of “need” vary and parents can feel they are depriving children by not allowing them equivalent material comforts from their friends. It can be easier for parents to tolerate judgment and self-comparison than it is for a schoolchild, especially one who is active on social media. Having children is hard, worrying that you’re getting it wrong is normal, and there is no parenting style that is superior to the others. Learning about parenting styles at unii.com simply allows you to choose what aligns with your values and feels right for your family and reject what does not.

Where did the term “minimalist parenting” come from?

Neuroscientist Christine Koh and Parent Hacks blogger Asha Dornfest co-wrote the book Minimalist Parenting (Routledge; 1st Edition 2013) to help parents “declutter” their minds of conflicting philosophies on what to do (and buy) to raise their children and enjoy family life more by doing less. An overwhelming amount of input from others can make you doubt your own voice and beliefs. According to Ms. Koh, parents should think of themselves as curators—rather than consumers—of parenting information and products for their children.

What are the benefits of minimalist parenting?

According to Ms. Koh and Ms. Dornfest, there are multiple benefits of parenting minimally. Examples include:

Feeling confident that your decisions are based on your unique values and priorities, not fear of missing out or doing something wrong.
Family meals go from high-stress periods to routine acts of nourishment and connection that are easy to plan.
Your schedule is never filled with things you think you or your child ought to be doing. Instead, you have ample time to take care of your professional obligations, your child’s emotional, practical, and recreational needs, your partner and family, and yourself.
Your home is not a repository of failed attempts at domestic perfection filled with objects you and your family do not really need. Instead, it is a haven for quiet, restorative days and nights, family parties and other bonding activities, and plenty of free time.
If you enjoy shopping, you only make purchases that reduce your long-term stress and continue to bring you joy over time.
Your children are not overscheduled with activities but have lots of time to “paddle” when they try something new, so that they learn what really appeals to them rather than have what you think you should learn being forced upon them.
You do not waste time and energy engaging with toxic people.
Perhaps best of all: you can relax and enjoy raising your children!

In terms of independent evidence, research does show that decluttering can have a positive effect on your psychological and physical well-being, making you less stressed and irritable and more productive. If you feel better, it stands to reason that you are better able to care for your family. The conscious consumerism advocated by minimalist parents is an important part of protecting not only your family’s financial stability but the future of the planet. There’s also a common-sense nature to minimalist parenting that may resonate with you. The authors say minimalist parenting is as much about life optimisation as it is about raising kids. And who doesn’t want to make the most of their life?

Sounds great! So, how can I be a minimalist parent?

Ms. Koh and Ms. Dornfest offer some practical tips on taking a ‘less is more’ approach to parenting.

Manage your time

Minimalist parents need to examine and optimise their family’s schedule. Get your calendar, a pen, and some paper out and ask yourself some questions.

What is your time style? Do you prefer to be booked to the hilt weeks in advance or open to multiple opportunities? Identify your golden hours, when you’re most energetic, and the times when you endure energy slumps to understand how best to schedule your most intensive tasks.

What is your ideal level of busyness? Try to tailor your schedule to what you know you and your loved ones can tolerate. Take a time inventory and judge how you feel about each item (be brave!) to determine what you should be spending more or less time on. Then do the same for each member of your family.

Minimalist parents should pause before they say ‘yes’ to invitations (stopping short of being rude) to consider how they really feel about an event and the person extending the invite. Ultimately, saying ‘no’ early can be kinder than turning up somewhere you know you don’t want to be or, worse, canceling on the day!

Create routines together with your partner and children as far as possible. You are more likely to stick with plans you make, follow, and enjoy collaboratively.

You can also use the more boring things you see in your calendar to your advantage. Consider outsourcing activities to take them off your calendar, if you can afford this. Domestic duties can sometimes be delegated to your children in the form of age-appropriate chores, which come with the added benefits of teaching them responsibility and skills and building their self-esteem.

Declutter your home

The immediate advantages of decluttering are obvious: your family has more space because you have fewer things, and you save time because you know where everything is. That doesn’t mean this step is easy, and, in fact, it may require a degree of ruthlessness from even your smallest child. Physical clutter can come with lots of emotional attachments. Ms. Koh and Ms. Dornfest advise examining each part of your clutter, asking what purpose it serves in your home and if it could serve a higher purpose if you sold it, recycled it, gave it away, or donated it. There will be some things that you just want to bin. Challenge feelings of nostalgia, as some of us hold on to an unreasonable number of old letters, cards, and other relationship paraphernalia. Label items you’re keeping. The authors also recommend creating a “last stop” for items you think you should part with but can’t quite let go of yet. Date them, put them in your “last stop” box, and see how you feel about them after a year. Decluttering may take some time, and the process is one you may have to keep applying to every item that crosses your threshold, but the benefits of this aspect of minimal parenting (see above) are worth it. An in/out house rule (for every item that comes in, one must go out) can help you stay on top of things.

Shop thoughtfully

Many of us can survive on less that we have, and this includes items we think we need to acquire. Where your children are concerned, it is worth making a list of things you actually need (distinguishing this from what you’ve been told you do) and then floating it to friends and family with older children who may be able to supply good-quality hand-me-downs. You can still enjoy shopping as a minimal parent; the trick is to focus on true value and acquire mindfully. Before you add something to your real (or virtual) shopping trolley, ask yourself whether you really need it. What do you already have of equivalent utility? Is this new item really worth making space for in your home, car, or just in your life?

Simplify mealtimes

Food is a fundamental part of parenting, and between planning, shopping, preparing, and fighting, it can quickly become the most complicated. The minimalist parent simplifies this by involving the family in making a weekly meal plan, then placing it somewhere everyone can see. Consider when your busiest nights will be and put down easy meals—leftovers, breakfast for dinner, or takeaways—for those slots. Batch-cooking lasagna, stews, and other meals that can be eaten on multiple nights is also recommended—family meals need to be nutritious and comforting, not necessarily exciting. To avoid waste, the authors recommend investing in good-quality frozen fruits and vegetables and healthy convenience foods. Planting a vegetable garden isn’t possible for everyone but can be a great way to source less expensive organic food and increase your children’s respect for nature and where their food comes from. You can also make a Butler’s Salad—a mix of all the soon-to-go-bad odds and ends—for lunch or dinner to help declutter your fridge.

Mum should never be the only person preparing meals; delegating age-appropriate tasks to your children and partner is important. Setting rules about respecting the cook—no complaining about the food, saying ‘no, thank'you'—using phones at the table, and getting up from the table can all promote a calm mealtime atmosphere. Taking a moment of gratitude for your food and your capacity to eat together as a family is a lovely way to add a little ceremony to each meal. This doesn’t have to be a prayer if you’re not religious; a simple thank you is all that’s required.

Prioritise self-care

Unii.com advocates for parental self-care, and minimalist parenting experts also believe that you can’t do the best job with your children possible if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Ditch the idea that self-care is selfish; it will positively affect your family. Again, this doesn’t have to be time, cost, or space-intensive to work. Daily meditations and exercise, having a night out with friends or relatives, or visiting the hairdresser all qualify as necessary self-care.

Streamline playtime

Fun and friendship do not involve expensive outings or a house brimming with games and toys. Nature is important to your child’s mental and physical health, and opportunities for trips to the park or even a run around in the garden should never be missed. Simple outdoor toys—tree swings or sandboxes—are inexpensive (though safety should always be a priority) and can keep children entertained for years. Games and toys can be shared and swapped with the children of extended family. A basket of secondhand books and simple arts and crafts supplies are also wise investments. As Dr. Maria Montessori reportedly said, play is the work of children, and you may be surprised to learn how much your children are capable of producing with less.

Make parties about joy, not excess.

Holidays and children’s birthday parties can be a minimalist parent’s worst nightmare, especially if your child’s classmates' parents are a bit competitive about these things. Social media has made productions of some festivities. This doesn’t have to be your story. A useful question to keep in mind is why you’re making any given choice. Is this really something your child will enjoy? Does it suit their temperament? Is there a less traditional, less extravagant option that would appeal to them more? Try to focus on your home and family rather than what others are doing or expecting. Comparison, as we all know, is the thief of joy. With gift-giving, the authors recommend steering guests towards functional items that are likely to be used often. These aren’t always the most glamorous choices, but hand-making, personalising or decorating them is a way to show your love while ensuring it’s an item your giftee will want to keep. DIY Halloween costumes that you co-create with your children can be unique, inventive, and lots of fun.

Wrapping paper is unnecessary (unless you really love it) in a minimalist parent’s home and should be replaced with your newspaper or your children’s artwork. As for the food, the authors recommend finding the easiest birthday cake, Christmas dinner, etc. that your family enjoys and making those your in-house traditions.

Trust your instincts

Finally, when faced with inner conflict stirred by marketing and self-comparison, remember to trust your parental instincts. Any doctor will tell you that these are invaluable when it comes to caring for your child, and the same will more than likely be true for shopping, decluttering, cooking, and scheduling for them.

For more information on supporting your child’s wellbeing, check out Unii’s Toddler Health and Development Journey with Dr. Nisha Patel.

Parenting Styles: What is minimalist parenting?

Unii looks at the 'less is more' approach to raising children.