Did you know that your baby is completely unique from the moment they are born? All you have to do is talk to any other parent. Some babies love cuddles; others can’t relax while they’re being held; some cry continuously, others you barely hear a peep out of; some don’t react to a change in routine, and for others, it’s the end of the world if you even alter your bedtime routine by half an hour! This indicates that your little one comes into this world with their very own unique ways of responding to things. While some of these early behaviours become a significant part of your child’s personality, others will change or disappear as they develop.

Like many parents, you may wonder - where do these unique differences come from? What is it that determines whether they stay or vanish? There are endless questions that arise when we contemplate the complex subject of human development.

We can try to answer some of these questions when we look at the concept of temperament, or in other words, your child’s behavioural style that they are born with.

Let’s first look at what temperament actually means.

What is temperament?

After closely studying 136 children from toddler to adult, temperament pioneers Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess have identified nine dimensions of temperament:

Activity level
Adaptability to change
Regularity of biological rhythms
Tendency to approach or withdraw when first responding to new situations
Intensity of response
Sensitivity to stimulation
Predominant mood (positive or negative)
Distractibility
Persistence in pursuing a goal

Each child will be high, medium or low in each of these categories, which provide subtle nuances to your child’s unique temperament. It’s important to note, that a child who rates high or low in any of these categories, does not mean they are destined to always behave this way. For example, a child who is less active and who displays a shy demeanour could grow up excelling at sports and public speaking.

To make things a bit more manageable, Thomas and Chess identified three major patterns in temperaments within the children they studied: ‘Easy’, ‘slow-to-warm-up’, and ‘difficult.’ Or those that struggle with the word difficult, you could swap for ‘fussy’, ‘inflexible’ or ‘intense’. (see FAQs for more on this).

Let’s explore these temperament types in more detail and look at what you need to consider when parenting a child of one of these temperaments.

Easy temperament

If your child has an easy temperament, they will be flexible, often in a pleasant mood, their biological rhythms are regular and predictable, they are receptive and adaptable to change, and their emotional responses range from mild to moderately intense.

This means your child can adapt relatively easily to your household rhythms. You can also take them with you shopping or to friends’ houses because you can rely on them to be in a pleasant mood and adjust to new people and environments with ease.

A possible issue for children with easy temperaments:

These children can be easy to take for granted. Because they are so agreeable, it is easy to push them beyond their boundaries of what they should be expected to tolerate. As a parent, stay attuned to your child’s emotional needs; even easy-going children can become sad, stressed or angry.

What to be aware of when parenting a child of this temperament:

You are able to be spontaneous. There is less pressure to stick to plans, so you can change plans last minute without disrupting your child’s rhythms. Your child will respond to stimuli, whether pleased or disgusted, in a rather gentle tone. As a parent, you are likely to feel successful and skilled in how you parent, considering your child responds positively to pretty much everything you do.

Slow-to-warm-up temperament

If your child has a slow-to-warm-up temperament, they will usually withdraw when faced with a new experience and take a while to adapt. This temperament type usually goes hand in hand with quite a subdued activity level and mild emotional reactions. Their reactions, however can intensify and reach more extreme levels of emotion when pushed beyond what they are able to handle in new situations.

Your child will likely need to first observe the situation from the sidelines before they’re ready to participate. When they do eventually join in, they can show huge enthusiasm and vibrancy, contrary to their initial reservation.

A possible issue for children with slow-to-warm-up temperaments:

These children are usually seen as insecure or anxious types. And while there is no concrete evidence to show that insecurity and slowness to warm up go together, a child with this temperament may become a target for other more gregarious types, resulting in the child developing insecurity.

What to be aware of when parenting a child of this temperament:

How you respond to your child’s shyness is very important. Try not to be impatient or embarrassed about your child’s behaviour. Instead, allow them to choose when they get into situations at their own pace. It’s really important that you do not push your child to join in new situations before they’re ready. Your child is not trying to shame or embarrass you. They are just responding in a way that is comfortable for them.

Difficult or Intense temperament

If your child has an intense temperament, they will most likely have irregular biological rhythms, get into a bad mood easily, have difficulty reacting to change and have intense emotional reactions. Their responses are unpredictable and hard to modulate so even a slight change in routine can cause great disruption.

A possible issue for children with slow-to-warm-up temperaments:

These children are prone to tantrums and emotional outbursts. They also may have trouble with sleeping, eating and bowel elimination.

What to be aware of when parenting a child of this temperament:

You cannot make plans without taking your child’s reactions into account. You may feel like you are walking on eggshells because they get upset so easily. As a parent, you will need to provide a secure base that can become a safe container for your toddler to express their feelings and regulate their emotions. You may need to help them find words for their emotions and to become aware of others. Try not to be moody or withdraw in response to your child’s unpredictable emotions. The best thing you can do is not take your child’s behaviour personally. It helps to have a sense of humour and set clear boundaries for your child. “Time outs” can be very effective for children of this temperament, for the parent and for the child!

What is my toddler's temperament? How should I take that into account when parenting?

Parent to suit your toddler’s temperament with Unii’s tips.