What should I do if my child avoids social play?

It is at preschool age that many children really come out of their shell, making friends here, there and everywhere! These formative years see children move away from a world full only of egocentric concerns, to a world full of other people who must also be considered. Through repeated practice and positive experiences when dealing with others, preschoolers learn a great many social skills that will guide and aid them throughout their lives.

Preschool settings are fantastic for growing kids because it teaches them the give-and-take that is friendship, and we all want our children to make sincere and lasting friendships, even at this young age! But it takes some children a little longer to get to a point where they feel confident interacting with others, and that’s fine. The trouble occurs when solitary play becomes the norm, as they could miss out on important and informative socialising opportunities.

Before we dive into a few helpful strategies, it’s crucial to first understand why some children struggle to engage in social play.

Why do some children avoid social play?

When it comes to playing with others, some children find it much more difficult than others, and for various reasons. It could be that they prefer the attention of adults - perhaps they are simply more familiar with older company. Or perhaps they are lacking confidence and some of the more basic social skills. Some children take longer to socially warm up than others, so their tendency may be to avoid playing with others.

Whatever the reason, it’s important that we identify it and do our best to help them overcome it.

Now, how can you encourage your child to get involved in social play?

How do I encourage my child to interact and participate in social play?

This subject can prove complex and it will take some time for your child to embrace social play. So it’s very important that you go about encouraging it with patience, sensitivity and a positive attitude.

Reinforce social interaction with other children

When trying to increase a particular behaviour in a child, it’s very important to frequently reinforce the behaviour through praise and positive commentary. So take every opportunity to praise your little one when they’re engaging in social play, whether they’re playing with one child or ten. If the child enjoys the attention of adults it can be difficult to praise them without distracting them and leading them to believe you will now attend to them. So, depending on how your child reacts, your praise might have to take the form of a smile, a hug, or an encouraging phrase as you pass by.

“You two are drawing so nicely together. I can’t wait to see it when it's finished.”

Or you might save your praise and wait until the interaction has finished, saying “I was really happy to see you playing so well with Georgie today!”

Reinforce other children interacting with your child

Although this might prove a little more difficult for parents raising an only child, try to also give reinforcement to other children when interacting with your child. Whether it’s a thank you, a pat on the back or a few words, it helps to encourage them to engage in play with the child who struggles to interact.

Help your child to learn social skills

These steps will only prove necessary if you think your child is lacking in some social skills and will be easier to implement in the preschool setting, so be sure to speak to their teachers and discuss the following steps. That being said, they can also be applied when playing at the park or in other settings with plenty of children around.

The initial step is to simply help the child observe the activities of other children as they interact. If you’re at the park, you might take them by the hand and walk around the playground, verbally pointing out other children and what they are doing, with particular emphasis on the social aspects.

“It looks like this boy is pushing his friend on the swing. And look! They are taking turns to push each other.”

“It looks like this group is playing tag, and she just caught him!”

This sort of observation might prove easier with children the child knows and will be very effective in the preschool classroom. However, even in a situation such as this one, observing positive interactions between other children will always prove helpful. If possible, try to do this at least once a day.

Following this, bring your child a little closer to the other children at play and see if it might be possible to involve them in some way. Begin by sitting nearby and simply observing, before gradually joining in and encouraging your little one to do so, too. It might be helpful for the child if you can verbalise the play, explaining what might be done next and even handing them any items they might need.

“Now we’re building a sandcastle using this bucket.”

It will take some time for the child to engage and take initiative in joining in play, however, be patient with your child as they learn these brand-new social skills.

As your child gradually begins to enjoy playing with others, making new friends and needing your help less and less, allow them to take control of the situation on their own. But be sure to help them every now and again if need be and continue to offer plenty of praise and encouragement.

Withdraw adult attention if necessary

If you believe your child avoids social interaction with other children so as to get adult attention, do your best to ignore this behaviour. When we see a child sitting or playing on their own when there are plenty of other children engaging in play, our instinct is to go to them and encourage them to interact with others.

However, if the attention you pay them becomes more important than the social interaction they are missing, your reaction proves counterproductive. If we provide lavish praise when they interact with other children and do our best to ignore them otherwise, we reinforce the wanted behaviour and discourage attention-seeking. This is certainly not to say that you should withdraw attention when you and the child are alone.

What should I do if my child avoids social play?

Can you help your toddler play well with others? Unii has some ideas.