Preschoolers just love to chatter and converse, always talking about this and that, asking every question under the sun, so much so that it can sometimes be hard to get a moment’s peace! But we know this to be an important period for developing communication - verbal and non-verbal - so we encourage our kids to babble away to their heart’s content.

So, when a child refuses or hesitates to speak, and instead communicates via gestures and noises, we might feel a little troubled or unsure of what to do. We all want our kids to keep learning and developing, and a reluctance to speak could get in the way of their making friends and enjoying new experiences. So how do we prevent non-verbal communication and encourage speech?

Firstly, it’s important that we determine why a child might be hesitant when it comes to talking.

Why are some children reluctant to speak?

When a child regularly hesitates to speak, they’re either physically unable to do so or, for some reason, unwilling to communicate verbally. No two children are the same, and while one two-and-a-half-year-old might happily chatter away day in, day out, another might not be talking fully until they reach the age of three. However, most children will have a sizeable vocabulary around the age of two-and-a-half, so do consider seeing a medical professional if you feel that your child struggles with speech.

In this article, we’re looking at children who are quite capable of speech and yet refuse to communicate using words. Instead, they may tug on your trouser leg to get your attention or possibly grunt and make noises to get what they want. The reluctance to speak might originally have come from a place of nerves, or even from copying a younger sibling who garners a great deal of attention in this way. Whatever the reason, the child has subconsciously learnt that the use of non-verbal communication causes adults to pay extra close attention as they try to figure out what the child wants. And the greater the attention they receive, the more inclined they are to repeat the behaviour.

So, how do we go about solving our child’s reluctance to speak?

How do we encourage our kids to freely use verbal communication?

To put a stop to unnecessary non-verbal communication, we need to encourage and reinforce talking as much as possible. So how do we do that?

If your little one does occasionally speak, make sure to reinforce him as quickly as possible, responding with attention, enthusiasm, and plenty of praise.

‘It makes me so happy when you talk to me!’

If your child asks a question, provide them with an answer or, where possible, whatever they have asked for. Do your best to convey that it is the child’s use of speech that gets the desired response. For example, you might say ‘Yes, because you asked so nicely, you may have the toy truck.’

If your child uses only one word at a time, simply pointing and saying ‘that’, ask them to tell you what they would like.

‘Tell me what would you like?’

‘That!’, they say.

‘Can you tell me what ‘that’ is?’

If necessary, model a sentence for your child and have them repeat it back to you. In this way, you teach your child that only by appropriately using language are their desires satisfied. It’s important that you yourself also use precise language around your child, referring to items by name, as opposed to ‘this’ or ‘that’.

Look out for activities or subjects that your child particularly enjoys, and encourage them to ask and answer related questions. If they like dinosaurs, you could ask, ‘Do you have a favourite dinosaur?’, and then have them tell you why.

You can also strike up conversation during an activity, such as painting. From textures and colours to different shapes and techniques, there’s always something to talk about! If your child responds to questions verbally, continue to give attention and praise, otherwise withdraw attention so as not to encourage the opposite.

Increase your expectations as your child begins to verbalise more and more, expecting sentences instead of just words.

At the same time, we must take steps to discourage the child from using non-verbal communication. Let’s imagine your child asks for a cookie from the jar on the counter by pointing, grunting, or gesturing. Begin by saying, ‘You have to tell me what you want.’ If the child then expresses themselves in words, praise them and let them have a delicious cookie. If however, they continue to use non-talkative methods, let them know once more that you can’t help until they use their words, giving them 10 seconds or so to try again. If they prove reluctant, move away and get on with another activity.

It is important that you insist on verbal requests. If you cave and give your little one what they want when they gesture and grunt, you’ll only reinforce their non-verbal communication.

What should I do if my child is reluctant to speak?

Bring your child into the conversation with Unii’s tips.