Your friend has just got a new puppy! But you can’t help but feel a certain tension. What if my child holds it too tight? What if they accidentally hurt it? What if they hurt it on purpose? How can I teach my child to be kind towards animals?

If there is one situation that causes the most immediate distress and alarm, it could very well be when a child displays cruelty towards an animal. From baiting the cat to cuddling a dog just a bit too hard, animal cruelty often prompts big, explosive responses from adults. This is very understandable, but in this article, you will be given solutions on how to handle these situations constructively, as well as identify what needs a child wishes to fulfil by doing such acts.

First, let’s take a look at what animal cruelty actually looks like.

What counts as animal cruelty?

Animal cruelty can be identified by these behaviours:

Holding an animal too tightly.

Deliberately allowing animals to fight and harm each other.

Hurting an animal in a purposeful and premeditated manner.

Neglect of an animal.

Hurting an animal during a tantrum.

Being emotionally abusive via trapping, frightening, loud noises.

Why might a child do these things?

At first glance, these behaviours and random acts of cruelty might seem inexplicable. But over the decades, psychologists have gleaned reasons why children might be perpetuating cruelty towards animals.

The first major reason is a lack of empathy. This is not to say that a child is inherently ‘cruel’, but that they have not developed empathy for animals. They might not realise that animals are living beings, not toys. They might not understand that other beings have feelings and react to certain treatment. Empathy is a learned skill that takes longer to develop in some children.

Regarding hugging and squeezing, a child might be needing to feel loved, without realising how they might be hurting the animal. This can also coincide with feelings of power and wanting to control the animals. This can manifest because a child feels like other aspects of their lives are out of their control.

Lastly, children who deliberately abuse animals, whilst knowing that hurting animals is wrong, might be victims of abuse themselves. Studies show that these incidents arise because of a child wanting to re-enact situations that have happened to them, only this time they have the power. This is a significant issue that you will need to seek professional help for. You know your child best. If they perpetuate this behaviour despite knowing the difference between right and wrong, it is strongly advised to seek outside help.

How can I prevent this from happening?

The only guaranteed way to prevent any acts of cruelty happening is complete supervision. This can be hard and time-consuming, but if you have both a child and an animal, you are responsible for the health and safety of both.

During the times you're unable to supervise, using doors to separate your child and pet would be a smart idea. To take it further, using stair gates will allow both children and animals to develop a closer understanding of each other, without the potential of physical contact.

Demonstrating and practising empathy can serve as a good foundation for a child’s development. Make sure to do this when cruelty has not just occurred. For example, you could wonder aloud how an animal feels if they’re being hugged and restrained.

You can also do simple exercises to help the child understand what the animal feels. For example, you can ask your child to sit extremely close to you, but they’re not allowed to move. After a while, they’ll begin to get uncomfortable. Explore if this might be how the pet sometimes feels when it’s being restrained. This can help a child understand the relationship with the animal.

It is important early on to set strict boundaries. This may involve not picking the animal up or letting go when it starts to whine. You can gently alter these rules as the child gains empathy, but strict rules are a good foundation to start from.

Make sure that the animal has an ‘escape route’. You may leave the door ajar or keep a window open. Let the animal run away from the room if they’re distressed.

This is hard to hear, but if the life of an animal is in danger, and you’ve exhausted all options, consider rehoming the pet. It’s a difficult decision, but it will cause less pain to both the child and animal.

Be careful not to take anything at face value. Just because you’re seeing it for the first time, doesn’t mean abusive behaviour hasn’t happened before. Follow your instincts.

What should I do if I see an incident happen?

Be aware of your body language and how you’re presenting yourself. With such a serious matter, it’s understandable that you might have a big reaction seeing an animal in distress. The first thing to do, if you are able, is to make sure the animal is safe. Either pick up the animal and get it out of the immediate environment, or let it escape and run away. Comfort the animal before attending to the child.

We are not robots, and it’s okay to show controlled anger, signalling to the child that this behaviour is not okay. However, you need to make sure you are in control of your emotions and how far you go with your anger.

Consider whether this incident was accidental or deliberate. If it’s accidental, it can turn into a considerably different discussion. Deliberate acts require much firmer intervention.

How can I discuss what happened?

If the incident has caused you to display anger, you might have said things to the child that you may regret; a stressful situation can provoke a stressful reaction. It is important to sit down with the child and take the first steps in repairing your relationship. Be clear about which parts you didn’t mean, and apologise for that. However, you must also be clear about the parts that you did mean and reiterate them, namely that the abuse of animals is never okay. Conclude by saying that you will help the child, as you don’t want them to feel bad.

Explore the child’s feelings. Give them space and time to express what emotions they’re going through and what problems they might be faced with. Depending on their response, you can then employ the relevant preventative strategies to make sure this incident doesn’t happen again.

Go over the house rules with the child. Do not dismiss the incident afterwards as ‘issue solved’, or ‘we’ve talked it out’. The child will still need careful monitoring when they’re interacting with animals. If a child has deliberately harmed an animal, there is a high chance they may do it again.

What should I do if my child is showing cruelty towards animals?