You’ve just let your little one know that it’s time to get ready for bed, and they’re not too happy about it. “I don’t want to go to bed!”, they shout over and over again. Eventually, you make your way over to them, bending down to pick them up, when suddenly a great big globule of spit hits you squarely on the forehead. While we know you always do your best to stay calm, when you’ve been spat at, it’s not very easy to keep your cool. Perhaps you get angry and shout, or maybe you storm off – both are understandable reactions. The trouble is, if your child is spitting to get a reaction out of you, and you reward them with a big emotional response, you unwittingly reinforce this behaviour.

Now, we agree that spitting is not an acceptable behaviour, so is there a way we can stop kids from spitting without unintentionally reinforcing it?

Before we dive into a few strategies to prevent and respond to spitting, let’s first identify when action is necessary.

What are the signs of regular spitting?

If your child is exhibiting either of the following behaviours, you’ll likely want to take a look at a few preventative strategies:

Your child spits at people aggressively.

They spit on the floor or at various objects.

Now that we have an idea of the spitting habits to look out for, let’s discuss why children resort to this behaviour.

Why do children spit?

Here are the top 4 reasons why children spit:

There may be an underlying oral sensory issue.

With nothing to engage them, they might spit out of boredom.

They spit as a reaction to feeling hostility, aggression, or even rejection.

They spit to feel powerful, and they know that spitting triggers responses in others.

Having established why spitting occurs, let’s take a look at a few different preventative strategies.

How can I prevent spitting?

It’s important to first let your child know that spitting is unacceptable. If they don’t know it to be an unwanted behaviour, they won’t understand why they must suddenly face certain consequences. Once you’ve told them, observe them and think about which of the causes for spitting might apply to them.

If you believe your child is spitting due to an oral sensory issue, try to engage them in activities that use the mouth in different ways. You could try blowing bubbles together, eating different foods and discussing the various textures, blowing into cups of water with straws, or teaching them to massage their jaw and cheeks.

You could also try getting hold of a ‘spit bucket’ or bottle. Let your little one know that they can safely spit in the bucket if they feel the need to do so. If they don’t have the ‘spit bottle’ nearby, but you can see that they’re about to spit, make a loud noise or look past them as though you have seen something interesting. This should distract them long enough for you to grab the bottle and avoid any mess.

If you believe your child spits because they are bored, it could be that the activities and games around them are too complicated or even too simple. Make sure there are plenty of fun and exciting activities around the home that they can enjoy and be sure to get them out of the house every day, to burn any pent-up energy!

If your child spits out of anger or to feel powerful, it’s all about your response. So, let’s take a look at how you should respond to your child’s spitting.

How to respond to spitting?

Though it’s certainly easier said than done, and will require some practice, it’s important to remove the emotional response to spitting. This does not mean that you cannot react or respond at all. Instead, when you’ve been spat at, move away to wipe the spit off and calmly say, “It’s a shame that you chose to do that because you know spitting is not allowed.” And then say something along the lines of one of the following:

“Now I will need to go and wash this off, so we can’t go out anymore.”

“Unfortunately, now I don’t think I can sit as close to you next time we play this game.”

If you can’t think of anything to say in the moment, tell them, “Now you will have to do something to make this right. I have thought of something you can do and will let you know what it is later.” In this way, you won’t overreact in the moment and also give yourself some time to think of a consequence.

It’s a matter of alerting your child to the consequences of spitting without drawing a huge amount of attention to the behaviour or shaming the child.

If your child has spat on an object or on the floor, have them help you clean it up. As you hand them a damp cloth to wipe it up, say “It looks like you have spat on the floor. Here is a cloth to help clean it up.”

Though it’s not very easy to be empathetic in these moments, it can be helpful to say something such as “Oh no, it looks as though you’re furious. Is there any way I can help you?”. This will encourage your child to verbalise their feelings rather than act on them. It also opens up the conversation of how to express anger in a healthy way, such as having a quick run around the garden.

Finally, don’t forget the power of praise and positive attention! When your child refrains from spitting, let them know how pleased you are and give them a big hug or a pat on the back. In this way, you reinforce the behaviour you want to see!

Finally, don’t forget the power of praise and positive attention! When your child refrains from spitting, let them know how pleased you are and give them a big hug or a pat on the back. In this way, you reinforce the behaviour you want to see!

What should I do if my child spits?

Unii shares how to deal with this disgusting habit.