As a parent, you’ll know all too well that preschoolers can whine, and they do it quite well.

‘Charlie won’t let me play with him. . . I can’t find my shoes . . . I’m hungry . . . there’s no paint left . . . I want to go outside!’

Preschool children have a great deal to learn when it comes to successful communication, and this includes recognising whinging and whining to be ineffective and disagreeable methods of getting what we want. Because, when children (and adults) whine, they’re not often met with positive reactions from others.

Which begs the question… why do they keep it up?

Why do children whine?

Whining is an entirely learned behaviour. At some point, a child will have recognised that whining gets them a great deal of attention and perhaps more attention than regular speech, and before long a pattern has been established. Adults dislike whining, so they often try to put a stop to it. We react negatively, often with exasperation or anger, but we nevertheless give the child attention.

The child - still seeking attention - keeps up the behaviour, but because their interactions are frequently negative, they quickly feel less and less secure about their self-worth. So for the sake of the child, it’s important that we help them to put a stop to whining, without reinforcing it.

So, how do you prevent your child from whining?

How do I effectively prevent whining?

First things first, it’s important that your child knows what whining is and that it is not considered a nice habit. Find an opportunity to explain in a calm and clear manner why it is that we do not whine, and then you can go about preventing it with the following three-week strategy.

Week One

When your little one whines, crouch down to their eye level and tell them calmly, ‘I cannot understand you when you are whining. Please tell me once more without whining.’

If your child does their best to rephrase their request or statement without whining, offer them praise, and answer their question or comment on their statement. It’s very important that they recognise your pleasure and learn that there is a great deal of positive attention to be gained from behaving well. If instead, they repeat with a whine, tell them once again that you can’t understand them, asking them to ‘Please try saying it again without whining.’

If they continue to whine, state whatever it may be they are asking for or complaining about, and deliver it in a clear and calm manner. For instance, ‘Are you saying that you would like to have a snack?’

Then ask them to repeat this back to you. If the whining and whinging only continues, get up and move elsewhere, ignoring any immediate repeats of whining.

During the initial week, handle any instances of whining in this manner, whilst taking every opportunity to praise and thus reinforce the appropriate use of language.

Week Two

Come the second week, your preschooler will now understand that their whining is difficult to understand, so the expectation is for them to speak in a non-whining manner when they have questions or needs. Now, during any spontaneous bouts of regular speech, make sure to comment positively, letting them know that you like the way they are speaking.

‘I really like the way you are speaking right now. It is very clear and easy to understand.’

If, however, they tell you something in a whine, do not say anything but look expectantly in their direction. The silence and look alone should serve as enough of a cue to repeat the phrase without whining. If they get the message and repeat the phrase normally, offer them a good deal of praise, and if not, tell them once again that you cannot understand them. After this point, any whining must be ignored, while appropriate language deserves praise.

Week Three

By the third week, your little one will hopefully have stopped most whining and whinging, demonstrating that they understand your new expectations. Now the praise and reinforcement you offer can gradually decrease. Continue to be responsive when they talk to you so the child doesn’t feel there is a lack of attention and lapse back into whining. Meanwhile, continue to strictly ignore any whining.

If the whining shows no signs of slowing down after week two, wait another week before decreasing praise and positive commentary.

What should I do if my child won’t stop whining?

This annoying habit is easily broken, says Unii.