There’s nothing more heartwarming than your little one coming home from preschool with a colourful painting they’ve worked on all day, just for you! We love to see our children being creative and expressing themselves in their own unique way, creating beautiful works of art that can be stuck to the fridge or displayed around the house. We couldn’t be more proud, and when they’ve worked hard to make something special, our kids are proud of themselves, too!

It’s unfortunate then, when a child’s work is destroyed by another, and understandably very upsetting. This behaviour is fairly common in preschool settings, in homes with more than one child, and even among only children.

But why, when one minute they’re the sweetest little thing, smiling and hugging their best friend, do our kids suddenly go on to destroy another’s hard work?

Why do kids destroy the work of other children?

The destruction of another child’s work is usually the result of heightened emotion. A child might scribble on another’s drawing out of jealousy, smash another’s clay sculpture to express anger, knock over a peer’s lego house because they dislike them, or even tear a favourite painting simply because they’re feeling mischievous.

When a child exhibits this kind of behaviour, nearby adults will be anxious to stop them and scold them, while the victim cries or gets angry. In this way, a child who repeatedly destroys the work of others gains considerable attention that only reinforces the behaviour.

But if telling them off encourages this harmful, destructive behaviour, how do we go about preventing it?

How do we prevent our kids from destroying the work of others?

If your child has made a habit of destroying the work of other children, try the following steps:

Encourage and reinforce creative activities

When a young child destroys the work of others, it is likely that they haven’t yet learnt to respect and value the creative efforts of other children, and for them to grasp this concept, they must first be aware of the value of their own work. Make sure there are lots of fun and creative activities you and your child can get on with at home, such as painting or making papier-mâché masks. And while they work away, demonstrate your interest in their work, commenting on their wonderful use of colour, and the lovely shapes and designs. When we offer generic praise, such as “That’s a great painting”, our children come to feel that their art is being judged or if repeated enough they’ll imagine the praise to be insincere.

Bear in mind that creative work includes all sorts of activities, from dancing, music, and role-playing games, to sand-play, building with blocks, and even water-play.

Reinforce appropriate behaviours

Our kids think in images. If we say “don’t jump”, they immediately imagine jumping, and this goes for behaviours, too. We tell them not to destroy someone else’s work and this is what they inevitably do. If instead, we focus on how we would like them to behave, being kind, sharing and playing cooperatively, we encourage and reinforce positive social behaviours. We must also encourage them through praise, congratulating them when they do well and behave appropriately.

Prevent destructive behaviour

Typically when a child repeats an unwanted behaviour, we begin to notice certain cues that might alert us to their happening. Perhaps they paint on a sibling’s work when they sit beside one another and feel jealousy, so set them at opposite ends of the table the next time they paint. Maybe they tear their best friend’s drawing when they are feeling hungry and frustrated, so schedule drawing after they have eaten a meal or snack. Whatever the cues might be, try to anticipate when the behaviour will take place and do your best to prevent it!

Use time-outs

Sometimes, the destructive behaviour will escape your notice and before you know it, one child is crying, while the other pretends to look innocent or in the worst-case scenario, a fight ensues. Separate the children and calmly take the child who has destroyed the other's work to a quiet spot for a couple of minutes of time-out. Tell them, “I can’t let you ruin the hard work of another child, so you’ll have to sit in time-out for the time being.”

In the meantime, try to calm the other child and see if something can be done about fixing their work. After a few minutes have passed, allow them to come out of time-out, without lecturing them, and find another activity for them to take part in.

What should I do when my child destroys the work of others?