Whether your little one is attending a great big birthday party with plenty of cake and games, or they’re going to their first wedding, full of people and long speeches, if they have a tendency to behave disruptively, you’ll likely be a little nervous. Maybe they can’t sit still and try to rush off when they’re bored, or perhaps they like to shout and scream when excited - either way, it’s a potential cause for stress!

Whatever the case may be, if we’re looking to prevent disruptive behaviours, we must first understand why some children behave rather troublesomely in these group settings.

Why do children behave disruptively?

At larger events, and especially those that aren't designed for children, kids can quickly get bored and begin to look for something to entertain themselves. And even at children’s events, many group activities won’t cater to each and every child’s individual wants and needs. Some will find a game of ‘pass the parcel’ engaging and fun, while others, with smaller attention spans, will quickly become bored and look for distraction elsewhere.

For some children, it is the exact opposite of boredom that causes them to be disruptive. With so many new faces, a new environment, and plenty to look at and touch, they become overexcited, and struggle to keep still or engage in just one activity. Bear in mind that preschoolers are still very young, with fairly underdeveloped attention spans, so shouldn’t be expected to sit still for long periods of time.

Before long, they’ve come to learn that disruptive behaviour gets them attention, and if they’re misbehaving at someone else’s special event, it probably gets them rather a lot of attention. We tell them off and even lecture them, but this only reinforces their belief that disruptive behaviour is an effective means by which to get the attention of nearby adults.

So, how do we go about preventing disruptive behaviour without reinforcing it?

How do I prevent disruptive behaviours in group settings?

Evaluate activities

Let’s say you’re hosting a children’s party, and several children, including your own, begin to look bored, it might be time to change up the activity and go down another route. Similarly, when you’re attending a wedding or some such event that requires your child to sit nice and quietly, think of bringing along an activity they can do without attracting attention, such as reading a book. Keep a lookout for any signs of boredom and then take steps to keep your little one engaged.

Reinforce appropriate behaviours

Whether you’re sitting in a pew at church or on the floor at a friend’s birthday party, sit by your child and encourage them to behave appropriately, offering plenty of praise and positive commentary when they do.

Let’s imagine you’re at a children’s book reading at the local library and instead of shuffling and talking to other children, with your encouragement, your child is sitting nice and still.

You might say, ‘Well done for sitting so quietly and listening so well! You can really hear the story now can’t you?’

It’s really important that they recognise how proud and pleased you are, as this will only reinforce their good behaviour.

Be consistent and use the warning tactic

If you’re going to an event and expect there to be some disruption from your child, let them know beforehand, in as calm a manner as possible, that it concerns you when they are disruptive. Tell them that if they are disruptive they will have to leave, but you will give them one warning. At the same time, do try to be positive and encouraging.

‘I know you can do it and I’ll help you!’

The first time that it happens - let’s say they begin to make loud, funny noises - give them the promised warning, letting them know that ‘you cannot be disruptive here. If you do it again you’ll have to sit outside.’ If they stop, it’s important that you offer plenty of praise, perhaps including a hug or a pat on the back. However, if they are once again disruptive, stay true to your word and take them to a quiet corner, away from all of the excitement. Make sure they know why they have been removed but don’t make too much fuss, and though you ought to keep an eye on them, try not to give them too much attention. Once they have calmed down, or the situation allows for it, you can rejoin the festivities.

What should I do when my child exhibits disruptive behaviour?

Your child's behaviour can be managed and improved. Here's how.