Arriving at the doorstep of your daughter’s friend's house for a birthday party, you ring the bell and wait outside. Your little one is hovering down by your side, tightly clutching your hand and nervously leaning into you. Inside you can hear the carefree screams and laughter of toddlers running around and clearly having a fantastic time, and you begin to feel a little worried.

All children are different, and that’s a wonderful thing. However, when you have a shy, introverted child, it’s normal to feel a little concerned that they won’t gain the social skills needed to live a happy, fulfilling life.

It’s not that we need to change our children if they are natural introverts, but more that we need to learn how to best support them, and help them develop the right skills to thrive as they go through life.

But before delving into how we can do this, let’s first understand more about why it’s so important that we help our little introverts learn the right skills to go forth in life with confidence.

Why is it important to help my introverted toddler learn skills?

We live in a very extroverted world. A world where we are expected to exert ourselves in many different situations, both casual and professional. Although being introverted is actually very advantageous in many ways, when a child is ‘too shy’ they can often struggle to develop the skills they need to succeed in life. For example, when they need to make friends, put their hand up in class, join in a conversation, give their opinion, communicate their feelings, and so on.

The skills that a toddler will learn in childhood will be the foundation for their adult lives, where they will need to be able to sell themselves in interviews, be confident on a date, contribute to conversations with friends, and so on. Therefore, as their parents, we need to help them gain skills that will help them in all of these scenarios as early on as possible.

Now that we know more about why it’s so crucial that we help our little ones understand how to come out of their shells and learn the skills needed to flourish in life, let’s explore how we can go about doing this:

How can I help my introverted toddler learn skills?

Avoid using labels like ‘shy’. Although it may come naturally to describe your child as ‘shy’ if you feel that’s what they are, try to avoid using these types of labels. Using labels can actually hinder your child from feeling confident enough to socialise, and it creates the illusion that shyness is a permanent character trait, even though it isn’t at all!

Try not to compare your child to siblings or other children. It’s difficult for anyone to be compared to others, so think about how hard it must be for your child if they feel they are being compared to more confident children. Therefore, always try to avoid saying things like, “look how well your friends are playing with the others, could you try to do that?”

Always try to see things from their perspective and offer understanding. Even if you don’t completely understand where your child is coming from or how they feel, always try to step into their shoes to see things from their perspective. If your child believes that their feelings are being acknowledged, then they will feel safe enough to express anything that is bothering them and work through insecure feelings.

Try to prepare them in advance for potentially challenging situations. If you’re approaching a social situation which you know your toddler might find challenging, then it’s always best to prepare them as best you can for this. That might mean having a conversation with them, or just letting them know what they can expect.

Give them an opportunity to observe a situation before entering it. Sometimes little children will feel shy because they haven’t been given time to observe a scene before entering it. Therefore, always try to give them this opportunity instead of forcing them into situations.

A huge part of helping an introverted child is to assist them with building skills that will empower them. Ways in which you can do this include:

Role-playing. For instance, you could encourage your child to practice saying “happy birthday” to the child at the birthday party, or “hello” to the adult who opens the door to the birthday party.

Show them how to excuse themselves from a social situation. Many introverted children will find it difficult to excuse themselves from social situations, or simply won’t know how to. Therefore, help them practice saying something such as “I’m just going to have some quiet time.”

Help them practice phrases for assertiveness. In situations where it may be advantageous and helpful to be assertive, you could help your child practice phrases such as “stop, I don’t like that.” This way, they’ll feel better equipped in similar situations in the future.

Show them how to use their body language to express themselves. Body language is a key way for people to express themselves, but sometimes introverted children won’t understand how to properly utilise this type of social skill. So, you could perhaps show them that putting their hands on their hips signifies that they’re not happy.

What social skills can introverted toddlers learn?