You’ve had it up to the eyeballs with your kids’ behaviour and you snap. The noise, the disobedience, the lack of sleep, the things you need to do but haven’t done. It all gets on top of you and you lose it! Now what?

It’s very normal to feel guilty, ashamed, and like you’re a terrible parent after exploding at your kids. Out of guilt, you may apologise profusely and give them more screen time or extra treats without ever even acknowledging what just happened.

These ways of responding aren’t necessarily wrong, however, we’d love to offer some more skilful ways to respond to your explosions.

While pretending like your explosions never happened might help you calm down temporarily, there is no healing, growth or change that can happen. And spoiling your child won’t make it any easier the next time you lose your temper - for them or for you.

Here are a few tips that will help you navigate the aftermath of losing your temper with your kids.

What to do after you’ve lost your temper with your kids?

Calm down. Easy to say, we know. But once you’ve lost it with your children, your body is overwhelmed with stress hormones and it’s hard to think rationally. If you rush to make amends when you’re still triggered, there’s a good chance you’ll lose your temper again.

Step away. As long as your child is safe, take time out from your kids and go somewhere where you can breathe and stabilise yourself. Breathe, stretch, dance, shake out and simplify your thoughts - these are all good strategies for calming down.

Have self-compassion. Beating yourself up for exploding at your kids will just make things worse. Remember, parenting is hard and it’s OK to make mistakes. You’re only human, after all. Talk to yourself with kindness and remind yourself that you’re not alone. Getting yourself into a better headspace will help you make better choices moving forward.

Get curious. Notice and get curious about what you’re thinking, feeling and experiencing. Maybe you’ll figure out that your agitation is a result of not sleeping in 3 days or because your mother is incessantly ringing you about coming around. Once you’ve worked out what may be the cause, you can change it (like getting an early night or putting your phone on silent).

Once you’re relatively calm, here are some questions to ask yourself that you may find useful.

Some questions to ask yourself after losing your temper.

What am I thinking and feeling?
How is my body feeling? Am I tired? In pain? Am I hungry or thirsty?
What is triggering me? What else is going on in my life at the moment?
What do I need right now? Is there anything I can let go of for the time being?

What do my kids need? Why are they acting this way? Are they hungry, tired or sick? Are there going through any changes or developmental milestones?
Who can I call for support?

Answering these questions may not be easy, and it’s OK not to know the answers. But the more you can make a habit of reflecting on your experience, the more you can get some insight into why you (and your kids) are getting so triggered.

Remember, if you’re having a particularly tough time, reach out for support. Therapists, councillors and coaches are all experts on hand to help. Just do some research and find the right person for you.

What to do after you've lost your temper (Part 1)

Managing your own peace of mind is vital, says Unii.