Having been trying to conceive for a year and a half, you’ve become accustomed to the fact that getting pregnant hasn’t been as smooth and straightforward as you had hoped.

After a year of trying, you and your partner went to the doctor to find out if there was something wrong. After finding out that you don’t have as many eggs as expected, the doctor informed you that looking into other options might be a good idea.

As heartbroken as you were, you kept hoping for a miracle.

And just like magic, a week before you were about to get in contact with a potential surrogate, those two beautiful lines finally showed up.

What should I do when finding out about my pregnancy?

Finding out that you’re pregnant is one of the most profound experiences a person can have. Depending on factors such as your age, your relationship, and whether it was planned or not, there are a range of emotions that can surface from this news.

If you’re wondering how you should react, the first thing you need to know is that it’s best to let yourself feel however you feel when you receive the news. Maybe it’s a huge, happy surprise. Maybe it’s a terrible shock. Or maybe it’s got you feeling a little confused.

Give yourself time to process. However you feel, remember that you need time to process the information. If you’re finding out early on in your pregnancy, the news might feel especially shocking as your body hasn’t yet begun to undergo any noticeable physical changes.

Remember that your experience is likely to be different from how you envisioned it. Be prepared for the reality of the news to feel a little different from how you might have previously imagined. For example, you may find that you’re not as excited in the moment as you had thought you would be. But this excitement may come later.

Be assured that feeling panic is normal. Many women find that the first emotion they feel upon finding out about their pregnancy is panic. This can be the case even if the pregnancy was planned. Remember that this is normal, as panic and excitement are often very much intertwined. Whether the news is positive, negative, or somewhere in between, feeling panic is connected to the fact that everything is about to change for you and your partner: socially, emotionally, and financially.

How should I prepare for my partner’s reaction?

If you are partnered, then you may be wondering when to tell your partner, and, depending on whether the pregnancy was planned or not, how they are going to react.

Here are a few points to remember:

Different women will tell a different person about their pregnancy first. When it comes to choosing who to break the news to first, different women will make different decisions. While some may naturally want to tell their partner first, others may want to call their friends. Ultimately, whom you tell, when, and how, will depend on your personal style, the state of your relationships and details such as whether the pregnancy was planned or not.

It’s not necessarily wrong to tell your partner after other people, but remember to consider their feelings. If you choose to tell your partner about your pregnancy after your friends or your mum, for example, this is completely up to you. However, it’s important to consider how they might feel, and whether they will be hurt or feel like their privacy was disrespected if they’re not the first to know. It’s always best to go with your gut on this one!

Be ready for your partner to express a range of feelings. Remember that your partner is likely to express a lot of the emotions you did when finding out about the pregnancy yourself. They may feel scared, excited, confused, nervous, or an amalgamation of all these feelings!

Communicate with your partner. Whatever the emotional reaction from your partner may be, it’s vital that you communicate with one another about your feelings, varying coping styles and support systems. For example, while you may be excited to call all your friends, your partner may want to wait a few weeks. Whatever the case is, don’t simply tell your partner what you want to do, try to also explain why.

Seek out counselling if you feel you need it. Finding out that you’re going to be parents is a topic that many couples end up going to counselling for. If this is the case for you, remember that a mental health professional will help you both express and work through any concerns you may have.

What to do when I find out that I’m pregnant

Here are the first steps to take after the pregnancy test.