“I HATE YOU DADDY!”

Your ranting, red-faced six-year-old screams, as they slam the kitchen door and hurtles up the stairs sobbing her eyes out.

You stand in the doorway, shell-shocked by the display your daughter has just shown. Your mind is suddenly filled with flashbacks of the quiet, burbling little baby she once was, and you feel confused and even a little hurt. Although you know she’s just a child and she doesn’t mean it, it still stings.

Parents, it’s totally normal to be a little taken aback when your once rather placid, calm child shows outbursts of sudden anger and frustration, especially when this type of emotion is completely parallel to what you know to be their personality.

However, it’s important you understand that anger has its place within all of us, no matter how old we are, or what our personalities are like. It’s a normal emotion that we need to learn to manage at all different points throughout our lives.

So, first of all, let’s talk about the potential reasons behind a child’s anger.

Why do children get angry?

They are still learning to control brand-new feelings. As mentioned, anger is a completely normal emotion for children. Although it may come as a bit of a shock when they decide to launch into an unexpected fit of rage, try to remember that they are still learning to control brand-new feelings.

Children are particularly prone to anger between the 5 - 7 year age bracket. At this stage, a child’s desire to achieve something will overtake their capability to do so. Therefore, frustration will often surface.

If you’ve noticed that your child is showcasing particularly angry traits, then there might be some other reasons behind this.

Why is my child becoming angrier than others?

Some children will become a lot more easily frustrated than others. This can be purely because they have a tendency to do so and it is part of their overall temperament. If your child naturally has an angrier temperament than others, they may find day-to-day experiences more difficult. For example, If they aren’t fed on a schedule or held all the time it will bother them, as will not being held constantly.

How should I deal with this?

Slowly and surely adapt to your child’s behaviour. If your child displays this type of behaviour, a strong-minded attitude, and strong needs, then we understand it can be difficult. However, although it can be challenging having a child that is naturally more sensitive to becoming aggravated, learning how to manage this behaviour will make things much easier over time.

Make a conscious effort not to take it personally. In addition to slowly and surely adapting to your child’s behaviour, it’s also important you make a conscious effort not to take it personally. Remember, even if your child is screaming at you, telling you that you’re ‘the worst parent in the world’, that doesn’t mean you should internalise these messages. They are in no way true and they are certainly not a reflection of you or your parenting.

Remind yourself that your child is going through a lot of changes. Overall, try to keep in mind that your child is going through a lot of changes, probably a lot of pressures at school, and might be experiencing difficulties within their friendships, too. This will all have an extra impact. Perhaps internal anger has been building up from these situations, and you are the only person your child feels safe enough to offload their anger to. Why? Because they know you are one of the individuals who will always love them unconditionally.

Ultimately, whatever anger-fuelled behaviour your child seems to be exhibiting, it’s always best to lead with love.

Why does my child get angry?