When your child was born, everyone warned you that you would encounter a lot of crying, screaming, and sleepless nights. Because that’s what babies do, after all! But as it turns out, this wasn’t the case at all. Your little one was relatively quiet and peaceful, and only let out the occasional whimper when they were hungry or a little tired.

Other parents told you that they would eventually grow out of this, and become more vocal and animated. But even as your child progressed through preschool and reached the five-year mark, they remained rather quiet and untalkative, seeming to find it difficult to make friends. Recently, your partner has been suggesting that you both need to find more ways to help them express their feelings, believing that this might be the solution.

All children are different, and that’s a beautiful thing. While some will be more gregarious and outgoing, others will be naturally quieter and more introverted. However, whatever your child’s personality type, helping them to express their feelings is incredibly important.

So, we thought it would be helpful to outline some ways you can do this. But before we do, let’s delve further into just why it’s so crucial to help your child out in this area.

Why is it important to help my child express their feelings?

Being sensitive towards themselves will help your child understand others. When your child is learning how to socialise and relate to others, they must first learn how to be sensitive towards themselves. Because unless they learn to understand the inner workings of their own emotions, they will struggle to do the same towards others. Understanding and having empathy towards the feelings of their peers is the basis for your child developing meaningful relationships.

Too much control or too much emoting will produce problems in adult life. Many people will find it difficult to strike the right balance between expressing their emotions freely and keeping them to themselves. However, keeping this balance is key, as it’s not helpful to explode into emotion at the tiniest of triggers, or conversely, to keep one's feelings to oneself constantly. This is why it’s important to help your child develop and practise this skill early on in life, so they are well-equipped to do so by the time they reach adulthood.

Suppressing feelings isn’t good for your child, you, or the relationship you share. It won’t always be easy when your child conveys to you that they are struggling with difficult or uncomfortable emotions. However, it’s much healthier for them to communicate this to you rather than to suppress their feelings. Because suppressing feelings is unhealthy for your child, for you as their parent, and for the health of the relationship you share.

A child will associate their feelings with their value and how you view them. Your child needs to know that you care about their feelings, and that you are open to hearing about them. If not, they will end up believing that you don’t care or understand them. And in the mind of a child, if their feelings are not considered worthwhile, then they will end up believing that they are not worthwhile either. This thought pattern will eventually lead to your child suppressing their feelings over the long term, and ultimately, becoming less attuned to themselves as a person, and overall unable to communicate with you properly.

Now that we’ve explored why it’s important for your child to express their feelings, let’s talk about how you can go about doing this.

How can I help my child express their feelings?

Respond to your child’s feelings with attention and care, not anger. This is crucial. Making time to hear all about how your child is feeling will help them believe that you care about what’s going on in their inner world. Therefore, always make an effort to show them that you care about what they have to say. Even if you find something they say slightly irritating or unnecessary, try not to let this show. Respond to them with attention and care, not with anger or indifference. If your child believes that what they have to say makes you feel angry or disengaged, they will instinctively suppress their feelings.

Picture the positive outcome of your child feeling free to express their emotions. Some parents will find it more difficult than others to become attuned and interested in everything their child has to say. This is especially true if they were raised by insensitive parents themselves. If this relates to you, then it may be helpful to picture the outcome of your child feeling free to express how they feel on the inside. Picture what body language you would practise, what words you would say, and the positive reaction you would get from your child, as they realise that you are available to them and their feelings matter to you.

Why is it important for your child to express their feelings?

Unii shares how being open can make your child more emotionally balanced and empathetic.