Life isn’t always easy, and that’s a good thing! If we didn’t have to deal with failures and disappointments, the successes wouldn't feel half as good.

‘Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavour.’ - Truman Capote

The sooner we learn to see the positive side to every failure, the better we learn to cope with our disappointments and struggles. And if you can apply this mindset to your own life, your children will soon do the same.

So how do we go about treating every failure as something positive?

How to create a positive mindset in eight steps:

Show your emotions

It’s important that children learn to be comfortable with their emotions, and the simplest way to teach this is to not shy away from your own feelings. Let yourself and your child express any feelings in the way that comes naturally, whether it’s to laugh with happiness or cry with sadness. Bottling up your emotions will encourage your children to do the same.

Talk positively

Switch up your language to focus on the positives. For example, instead of asking, ‘How was school today?’ try asking, ‘What was the best thing that happened at school today?’.

This takes some getting used to, but it immediately shifts their focus to the positive and is sure to brighten their mood. If they’re struggling to come up with any positives, discuss what happened at school and see if there’s a positive hiding in there somewhere.

Switch from ‘don’ts to do’s’

When we’re telling children off, we often focus on their unwanted behaviour. The more we tell them what not to do, the greater their focus on the incorrect behaviour.

Children tend to think in pictures, so when they hear, ‘Don’t throw it!’, they imagine throwing the object and their impulse is to do just that. Instead, try saying, ‘Please pass it to me.’

Similarly, replace phrases like ‘don’t be rude’ with ‘be polite’, and ‘don’t lie’ with ‘be honest’.

Encourage a can-do attitude

Teach your children that they can achieve whatever they set their minds to. You can do this by teaching them positive self-talk. Self-talk is about creating an internal dialogue, whereby if something is repeated enough it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, ‘I am strong and I can achieve my goals,’ and ‘I will keep on trying. Soon I will find a solution.’

Train them to focus on their strengths

Always try to focus on what your child does well. To identify their strengths you could ask them to make a list of what they’re good at and their positive personality traits. Place the list somewhere that will allow them to see it often - on the fridge or above the bathroom sink - as this will affirm their self-image and encourage a positive can-do attitude.

Teach manners and respect

Children with good manners make a positive impression on all they meet. Research also suggests that self-confidence, common sense, respect and consideration for others are just some of the positive traits associated with well-mannered individuals. Teach them the importance of sharing and saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

And make sure to stand up for yourself where necessary, teaching your children that you and they deserve respect.

Healthy eating

A healthy body allows for a healthy and happy mind! The foods we eat affect our mood and brain function, so eating a balanced diet of nutritious foods is just as important as a positive home environment.

Create positive moments and moods

When we’re upset or angry, children tend to pick up on it fairly quickly. It’s important that they learn that these emotions are okay and that we don’t always need to be cheerful, but it’s helpful for them to see you doing something to make yourself feel better.

You could:

Take a bubble bath.

Have a chat with a friend or family member.

Meditate or do a breathing exercise.

Listen to some joyful music.

Take a nice, long walk.

Read a book.

And encourage them to do the same when they're feeling down.

Why is it important to encourage and create a positive mindset?

Unii shares some thoughts on the power of a child’s positive mind.