Without self-care, we’re not being the best partner, daughter, sister, employee, or parent we could be. Time for yourself might sound like time away from your children to your ears, but it is essential to ensuring they get the best possible version of you. Self-care builds energy, resilience, and patience, which are crucial to effective parenting. Moreover, parental burnout is a common and international problem, but even if things haven’t gotten that bad for you yet, it’s important to ensure that they never get anywhere near it. Recent research shows that regular self-care can significantly reduce your risk of parental burnout as well as your stress level.

Know your boundaries.

Parents have lots on their plate and get used to saying ‘yes’ when asked to do something. Because everyone lays a burden on the willing horse, as the saying goes, their ‘to-do’ lists can get out of hand and even start to impact their health. This is why you should learn to assert your own needs and establish healthy boundaries. Saying ‘no’ is also OK. Every parent uses their child as an excuse not to do something sometimes, but simply telling someone you don’t have the personal resources to help or you don’t feel something they’ve asked for should fall on your shoulders is just as acceptable.

Unplug and remember your passions.

We are all too attached to our devices, and while yours may be essential for work, committing to a tech-free period every day allows you to focus fully on both your family and your self-care. You should also use tech-free time to embrace your passions and reconnect with the person you were before you had so many responsibilities. Whether this is roller derby or cooking, it’s all about what you enjoy rather than what is right for your children when you’re self-caring. Your partner or spouse also counts as a passion, just as a designated date night when you do something you enjoy together counts as self-care. Check out Unii’s Love, Sex, and Parenting Journey with professional relationship coach Natalie Mossayebi.

Take Time for Mindfulness and Breathing

Oxygen and deep breathing cut through your body’s natural stress responses and are an easy way to take care of yourself in the middle of a stressful day. People who have trouble with meditation or lack adequate time for it can be more successful with breathing and grounding exercises. If you tend to get anxious regularly, try the 5-5-5 rules and the 3-3-3 rule to ground yourself and curb anxiety. The former means inhaling for a count of five, holding for a count of five, and exhaling for another five. The three-three-three rule is sensorial. Center yourself and name three things you can hear, three things you can see, and three things you can move or touch. This focusses you on the moment and keeps you from spiralling.

Make a ‘Done’ List

To-do lists can be endless and force you to focus on what you have not yet achieved. Hurrah for the ‘Done’ list, a wonderful page replete with accomplishments that soothes your nerves and boosts your confidence. If you tend to procrastinate, you might also consider a ‘Not to Do’ list of things that drain your energy, have little value, or generally make you feel less happy and productive than you’d like.

Ask for Help

Don’t be embarrassed. Here’s the thing: you deserve a lot of help. All the help you need, in fact. You just have to ask for it. Don’t be embarrassed; don’t try to work it out for yourself when someone with a wealth of experience is in your office, your phone, or—if you're very lucky—your home. You became a parent, not an omnicompetant, and it’s absolutely OK to admit that.

Plan for High-Stress Periods

Christmas, birthdays, Easter Time… occasions that were once peaceful or low-maintenance come with high expectations and lots more stress when you’re a parent, and the best way to get on top of them is to get ahead with your planning. The way you do this depends on your personality—some women need everything flawlessly giftwrapped weeks in advance; for others, booking a Christmas-week online shopping delivery slot is a win. Whatever you need off your plate, planning to move it can help keep your cortisol levels down.

You can also apply this sort of planning to everyday life. Give yourself gifts for the week ahead by pre-mixing the pancake batter for breakfast and laying out clothes to simplify busy mornings. Make a chore rota to ensure your home is tidy when visitors take you by surprise and invest in a hand-steamer to cut the time you spend ironing on Sunday nights.

Try to Keep Your Self-Care Habits Healthy

“Self-care” is sometimes misused or misunderstood as a synonym for self-indulgence. It isn’t that. Taking care of yourself can feel indulgent to busy mums but it is rooted in the duty of care you have for yourself rather than more wine before bed, which is more likely to leave you feeling fragile in the morning than replenished and exacerbate stress. Much of proper self-care is a little dull—getting yourself to sleep at a reasonable hour, eating well, keeping that appointment with your trainer, and going to therapy are all examples of this. That said, it can also be easy and fun—think relaxing bubble baths and massages. As long as the activity shows genuine care for your mind and/or body, it is completely up to you.

Encourage Your Partner’s Self-Care

In a 2023 study on the benefits of self-care for mums of children under three, hair and beauty treatments were the most popular self-care methods (no surprises there), and social support (especially from a partner) was the greatest self-care facilitator. Most things are more fun if you have support from those who love you, so if manicures are your 'me-time’ thing, try to make sure that a good friend is sitting on either side of you and let your partner know how much you appreciate him taking over the childcare responsibilities. You could even book a therapist to come to your home and make it a girls’ night.

For more advice on taking care of yourself and your partner as new parents, check out Unii’s Love, Sex, and Parenting Journey video course with Natalie Mossayebi.

Why is parental self-care so important?

Unii looks at how to take care of yourself so you can give your family your best.