They say that everything stems from childhood. Our confidence levels, the way we interact with others, our state of independence, and so much more. And even though it may be a little uncomfortable to do, if you take the time to reflect on your own childhood, I’m sure you will agree that it was a period where so much of your personality and behaviour were shaped. And now as a parent yourself, it’s important you are aware of your role in your own child’s early years, and whether you are interacting with them in a way that positively influences their well-being and behaviour.

One of the ways in which you majorly influence your kids is through the language you use towards them. While criticism and stern language has its place in steering children towards the right sort of behaviour, positive language and praise has long stood out as one of the most effective and crucial ways to support a child’s development.

But before we delve into how you can go about properly praising your kids, let’s talk a bit more about how giving praise can positively affect them.

How will giving praise positively affect my child?

In the 1970s, many parents, caregivers and teachers of young children had trouble knowing how much criticism to give and how much praise to give. The general view eventually became that low-self esteem was at the root of many problems in children, from fear of ‘having a go’ at new experiences, to a lack of confidence in one’s own judgement. And therefore, that children, especially at the preschool age, need good levels of self-esteem to be able to go on to achieve in various different areas of life.

Ultimately, at the preschool age, children are at a particularly sensitive age, and are extremely receptive to the messages being fed to them by their parents and caregivers. Therefore, giving a good amount of praise to your child is likely to affect them in a very positive way, helping them to develop what is called a ‘growth mindset’.

But what is a ‘growth mindset’?

The term ‘growth mindset’ was coined by a psychologist called Carol Dweck, who argued that people tend to view the world through either a ‘fixed’ or a ‘growth’ mindset. Dweck said that those with a ‘growth mindset’ will in general strive to achieve the behavioural and other standards they set for themselves. They are purposeful, self-motivated individuals that embrace challenges.

For example, a growth mindset would be someone who would say things like:

“I can develop (grow any and all of my capacities through effort.”)

Or, “What matters is making progress and enjoying the stimulus of learning or managing to achieve something new and intrinsically motivating.”

Therefore, by giving your child enough praise, they will develop beliefs and behaviours that are bound to significantly help them as they work their way through various challenges that life will present.

How can I use praise to aid my child’s development?

Practice ‘process praise’. Experts say that the right type of praise or feedback can be extremely helpful for a child’s development. ‘Process praise’ is often considered a more positive and effective type of praise that comments on effort, perseverance and strategies. For example, you could put this into practice by saying things like “Pouring the water like that didn’t work? You’re trying another way now. Good idea!”

Practice praising your child five times a day. A well-known programme called ‘five a day’ has long been used in childcare to promote happier interaction between parents and children. By echoing the well-known public health campaign to eat five servings of fruit and vegetables a day, it engages parents in a practical way to praise their children at least five times a day.

Praise and feedback have to be appropriate for your child’s level of language comprehension. In order to aid your child’s development, you should make sure every bit of praise or positive comment you make towards them is appropriate for their language level. This is important because some expressions such as calling your child a ‘good boy/girl’, may only carry a positive message if they are very young, and as their language comprehension develops, their needs for praise will change.

Why is praise and a ‘growth mindset’ important for my child?