By the time you become a parent, it’s likely you would have gathered enough life experiences to reflect upon what’s really important. And out of all the experiences you’ve gathered so far, we can bet that it’s the moments shared with other people that have stuck out the most in your memory. Whether they were positive or negative, it’s these moments that teach you the lessons you need to learn, and allow you to gather the wisdom needed to pass on to your little ones when they’re ready.

The role of relationships in life is undeniably a significant one for everyone, of all ages. Whether it be with friends, family, or a partner, being able to relate to others is extremely important, and will shape our psychological and emotional wellbeing as we grow. And as your child grows up, the ability to relate to others and form supportive relationships will take centre stage in nurturing their development.

So in your role as their parent, it’s important that you understand relatedness, why it is so essential, and how you can help them use it to their advantage.

What is relatedness?

To help you understand relatedness a bit better, here are some points which demonstrate the emotions that children who are related will typically experience:

Feeling unconditionally loved and cared for, and loving and caring for others unconditionally.

Depending on important others.

Having a sense of security and that they matter to others.

Feeling linked to the values of their main social groups, being influenced by them and influencing them.

Considering others without compromising their sense of self.

Valuing cooperation and collaboration.

Why is relatedness important for my child?

As mentioned, relatedness is essential for everyone. Relationships are not only a key source of pleasure and support, but they also have a positive influence on the way we perceive and react to events. However, relatedness will be particularly important in your child’s early years, as the initial relationships they form will have a significant bearing on their long-term psychological and emotional development. Simply put, the way your child relates to others in their preschool years will set a strong template for their future relationships, overall state of mind, mental wellbeing, and behaviour.

But relatedness isn’t just important for the future, as the way that your child learns to relate to others will greatly affect them in the present, too. For example, scientists have found that the quality of a child’s relationships with their peers and their family will affect the quality of their interaction with others and learning in school.

Ultimately, children learn how to be strong and independent through having experiences of relatedness and navigating the relationships around them. Therefore, it’s important you understand how to create an environment for them that supports healthy relatedness in any way you can.

How can I support my child’s relatedness?

Although your child must learn to navigate their own relationships, there are easy, simple ways in which you can help them feel connected, valued, and meet their needs for relatedness, by creating the right environment:

Make sure your child understands that they are valued for their unique qualities and not simply for their achievements.

Provide both time and space for your child to be with their friends.

Highlight some shared goals that your child may have with their friends, and encourage them to engage in them together.

Promote cooperation and collaboration through the way you talk to your child.

Recognise that airing differences and resolving them can be healthy. There may be better ways of doing things.

Encourage mutual supportiveness. This includes knowledge of each other’s aspirations and empathy when obstacles are encountered.

Why is relatedness important for my child?

What is relatedness and why do parents need to know?