Before you had your baby, everyone warned you how much she would cry. At the time you brushed this aside, believing that it couldn’t possibly be as bad as everyone was making out! You’ve never been one to make a fuss, and neither has your partner, so to some extent, you thought you’d have a relatively calm baby to match!

That was until your baby did actually arrive. Although they didn’t seem to cry much in the first week or so, after a while you started noticing a pattern. The pattern was that they would cry whenever you put them down. The crying would go on until the moment you picked them back up again when they would easily be lulled back into a calm, quiet and tranquil state.

Fast forward a month, and you had hoped this pattern would cease naturally. However, this doesn’t seem to have been the case. Your baby girl knows how to get your attention now, and has seemingly become addicted to cuddles! While you love holding her close and giving her lots of attention, you’re starting to get concerned that you’re spoiling your baby by holding her too much.

It’s very common for new parents to feel a bit conflicted about how much they should be holding their baby, and what messages they are giving when they attend to their every wail and whimper. No one wants to bring up a spoiled baby, but where do you draw the line?

Well, parents certainly have differing opinions on this subject matter, so we thought it would be useful to weigh up these opinions in order to help you reach an informed decision.

First of all, let’s explore the perspective of parents that do indeed believe that frequently holding one’s baby and responding to their cries can have a negative impact.

Why do some parents believe that holding a baby too much isn’t a good idea?

Many parents want to do everything possible to avoid their baby growing up to be a spoiled child. They are therefore of the opinion that a parent pandering to their baby’s every need isn’t a good idea. This is by no means to imply that these parents believe an infant shouldn’t be held; they simply feel that refraining from responding every time an infant makes a fuss is much better for their development. This way, they are less likely to become entitled or dependent, and more likely to learn to soothe themselves.

Now let’s take a look at the reasons why some other parents have the opposite view.

Why do other parents believe that you can’t spoil a baby through affection?

While no one wants their baby to grow up into a spoiled child, other parents think that babies are actually cognitively incapable of manipulating others (i.e. their parents). Therefore, they don’t worry about the possibility of spoiling them by holding them too much or responding to their cries too often. These parents strongly believe in the benefits of being close to their children, holding them, and therefore strengthening the parent/child relationship and sense of trust within that relationship.

Now that we’ve understood more about both sides of the argument when it comes to this subject, let’s help you make an informed decision that suits you and your baby.

How can I use this information to make an informed decision?

Ultimately, it’s up to you as to how much you hold your baby or how often you respond to their cries. Remember, you know your child better than anyone else. However, when it comes to making a decision on subjects like these, we find it comforting to follow what science tells us is beneficial for children of this age and their future development.

So, scientific research tells us that skin-to-skin contact is absolutely necessary for a baby’s healthy development, and that regularly holding a child will only boost long-term positive effects. Babies need to be held, they want to be held, and a parent responding quickly and sensitively to their child’s cries won’t make them more dependent. In fact, this research claims that doing this will in fact cause the opposite effect of the child becoming more independent, as they come to trust that their parents will come and tend to their needs if they communicate them properly.

In addition, it also tells us that responding attentively to a child boosts social development, reduces pain, results in lower stress levels, encourages the growth of social aspects of the brain and increases overall contentment.

Can I spoil my baby by holding them too much?

Will I spoil my baby by holding them too much? Unii’s Baby Development Journey has the answer.