While breastfeeding can feel like an exclusive relationship between mum and baby, and to a certain extent it is, there are so many meaningful ways for a partner to get involved and support her. One fact that I always find fascinating is that one key predictor of success in a breastfeeding journey is the support of a new mother’s partner. This is a result seen in many research studies, most recently in a study conducted during the COVID-19 pandemic. So be assured that your cheerleading and support are really making a very significant difference!

How you can practically help

"Mother, the mother”. This means taking care of the breastfeeding mother’s own needs, both physical and emotional. Cooking nourishing (easily accessible) food is a huge help, especially once you are back at work. Leaving a prepared lunch will make it much more likely that your partner will take the time to eat while you’re out. You know your partner best, so you will tailor your support to her personal needs—it could be doing the laundry and cleaning so that she actually rests while the baby rests, or it could be leaving loving post-its around the house, reminding her how proud you are of her and her mothering skills. When a new baby arrives, we all know to cherish and hold this perfect new life, and sometimes we forget to cherish and value the one who grew and continues to nurture them!

Understand the commitment. Most breastfeeding mothers are aware that breastfeeding will take up the vast majority of their days (and nights!) in the early weeks, but it can leave them feeling that they’ve not achieved much in their day other than feeding the baby. Breastfeeding takes an average of 60–80 hours per week initially, so be mindful of this when planning visitors or asking for anything else to be accomplished. Knowing that breastfeeding is so much more than food helps you understand why your baby is feeding “again” after such a short break. Try to avoid undermining phrases like “Is she hungry again? You just fed her! Are you sure you have enough milk?”. Try instead affirmations like “Wow, she just loves being at the breast more than anywhere else. Look how content she is there”. On a tough day, it can also be helpful to remind yourself and your partner that these intense days won’t last forever and that it will get easier.

Document the relationship. In the scheme of life, babyhood is a short period and one you will eventually miss. Although it may not feel natural to you to photograph your partner while she’s feeding, these will eventually become cherished memories for your family. You can simply grab some snapshots or go all out and arrange a professional photoshoot; whatever you organise, it will be just right for your family.

Respect her wishes around socialising. Every new mother is different, but many prefer to limit their socialising in the early days while they get to grips with breastfeeding. This may even include socialising with the new grandparents and other extended family members. Try to be the gatekeeper of these social demands and notice when your partner is feeling overwhelmed by too many visitors.

Know your local resources. None of us get through this parenting journey alone, and it can be really useful for you to have local resources on hand that your partner may find supportive. This may be your local lactation consultant, a local breastfeeding café, or another peer support group. The very fact that you’re reading this article already makes you a good supportive resource too!

Respect her needs regarding touch. Some breastfeeding mothers can feel ‘touched out’ by the intense nature of the breastfeeding relationship. They may also struggle with seeing their breasts in a sexual context while still breastfeeding. Have lots of open communication, and remember that this is all temporary. It is likely that you will return to your former relationship over time.

Bond with the baby in other ways. There are so many ways you can bond with your new baby, and being an equal carer is not only incredibly rewarding for you but also hugely helpful for your partner. Giving a bottle before breastfeeding is established can endanger the breastfeeding relationship, but fortunately, there are many other things you can do to bond with your baby. These include bathing the baby, holding the baby skin-to-skin, changing the baby, infant massage, and playing with the baby.

This list could go on and on, but I hope that it has given you a few ideas on how you can support your partner with breastfeeding while also bonding with your baby and as a new family unit.

How can I be a supportive partner to a breastfeeding mum?

Unii Expert Wendy Lever shares how a breastfeeding mum’s partner can best support her.