The introduction of a new sibling is almost always tricky. After all, you wouldn’t much like it if someone suddenly came into your home and started wearing your old clothes, playing with your things, demanding the attention of your family, and invading the space you thought belonged to you. And for a toddler, this is often exactly how they feel. So how can we introduce the new baby while causing as little upset as possible?

Before we dive into a few strategies to make for a smooth transition, let’s quickly state what we’ll cover and why it’s so important.

What will we cover in regard to sibling relationships?

We’ll be exploring how you can effectively introduce your kids to their new brother or sister and how to keep the peace between them.

But why are these lessons so important?

Having a sibling can be a wonderful thing. They teach us how to make friends, how to play games, how to play tricks on mum and dad, and they offer us friendship for life—even if it does get a little rocky at times. Over time, your toddler will learn all of these things, but initially, it can feel like their world is collapsing. They suddenly don’t have their parents all to themselves; they have to share all of their toys and space. These things are a big deal for a toddler, and they can quickly begin feeling jealous and neglected.

We don’t want them to feel either of these things, so how do we help them through this big change?

How do I introduce my toddler to their sibling?

When we first introduce the kids to one another, there are a few important steps you can take to make for a great first meeting and an easier first few weeks:

Put the baby down when your toddler first enters the room, so they have your full attention.

If possible, try to have a few extra hands on deck for the first couple of weeks—a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or even a close friend. This allows you to have some one-on-one time with your toddler as well as your baby.

Try to keep your toddler’s routine consistent.

Keep a basket of toys and books nearby, so you can engage your toddler if they’re feeling a little left out.

Talk to your baby through your toddler’s play as though they understand you. Not only will your toddler enjoy being the topic of discussion, but your baby will also benefit from hearing your conversation.

But how do I help my toddler when they’re upset about the baby?

Make special time with each child. Try to find opportunities to fully dedicate some time to your toddler. Whether it’s a walk to the park, a stop by the ice cream van, or even a trip to the supermarket, make sure to give them your full attention. If they come to you with a problem and you’re busy, make a note of it and let them know you’ll come back to them later.

Stay neutral. Children will often try to drag us into their disputes, wanting us to take sides. We must ignore this and instead support all of our kids, try to see things from both perspectives, and help to mediate.

Foster positive interactions between them. The more positive experiences our kids can share, the closer they become. So try to think of situations that will let them enjoy one another’s company—playing in the garden, having fun in the bath, or creating art together. At neutral times, we can also discuss the nice things about having a sibling with our toddler, helping them see the positives if they’re struggling to find them on their own.

And when they do play well together, giggling and smiling from ear to ear, comment on how happy it makes you, giving them both a big hug.

Treat children individually and don’t compare them. With different children needing different things, trying to parent equally is next to impossible. Instead, we should strive to parent individually, based on the needs of our kids. When one child needs more attention or help, we give it to them. When one prefers hugs and the other back rubs, we provide for them.

Siblings will inevitably compete with one another, but we mustn’t encourage this. When we say, "See, Your brother knows how to sit at the table”, We’re unwittingly comparing our kids and causing unnecessary tension instead of focusing on the individual. When your toddler says their baby brother had more cookies than them, we can ask “Did you want more cookies?”, bringing the attention back to the individual.

Step in when you have to. While we can allow our toddler to feel all their feelings, even the angry ones, we can’t allow all behaviours. For example, if they are hitting the baby, there are a few things that we can do:

Immediately step in and say, as we remove their hands, “I cannot let you hit the baby. We have to be gentle with the baby.”

We can show them a safer, gentler way to interact with the baby.

We can act as the baby’s translator, saying, “The baby is crying because that’s too rough. They want us to be gentler."

We can also regularly remind our toddler of the house rules: that we don’t allow hitting, kicking, or biting. Remember, they’re still very young and might forget that rough play with the baby is too rough for them.

How do I introduce my baby to their siblings?

On our Baby Development Journey, we look at how to introduce your baby to their siblings.