Once you’ve had your baby, everyone you know will most likely be desperate to come and meet the new arrival. And while a supportive community is a lifesaver after you’ve given birth, it’s important to be intentional about how and when you welcome visitors.

When you’ve just had a baby, hosting guests is a whole different experience from any other time. Your top priority needs to be looking after the baby and allowing others to look after you. This means not worrying about how tidy your house looks or whether or not your hair looks OK.

While it can be a wonderful experience to introduce your little one to all your loved ones, you must do it in a way that feels good to you. Now is the time to be a little selfish.

How do I use visitors coming around to my advantage?

Remember, you can ask someone to leave after five minutes if you need to or tell people not to come over until you feel ready. You can also prepare people before they come around by sending them a message saying that you can only manage ten minutes before you feel exhausted and leaving it up to them to decide whether they are prepared to come for just a short visit.

Prepare for a shift in your friends and family’s focus once the baby has arrived. They may have been attentive to your needs during pregnancy, but now that the baby is here, you may not be the prime focus. But you can use this to your advantage. When your friends are fussing over the baby, ask your friend to cradle the baby while you grab a shower or take a ten-minute time out.

If your friends and family ask you what to bring, be honest about what you need. Maybe it would be helpful if they brought over some cooked food or the shampoo you’ve just run out of and haven’t had a chance to buy.
Set aside expectations about certain friends visiting in those first few weeks. If one of your friends miscarries, they may avoid visiting, as seeing your baby would be too triggering for them. And maybe another one of your friends expressed a strong dislike for kids but was the first to come around with flowers and baby clothes. So loosen the reins a bit with your expectations of friends and instead focus more on your own needs.
If you have any friends who are particularly demanding, you may want to hold off inviting them around until your energy has recovered and you’ve bonded with your baby. The visitors to your home are those who will prioritise you and your feelings and not overburden you with their issues.

Here are some questions to ask yourself before inviting visitors around:

What boundaries can I set ahead of time?

You may want to decide with your partner ahead of time:

How many visitors are you comfortable having per day?
Are there people you’re not happy to invite around just yet?

Are you setting a time limit on visits?
Who is or isn't allowed to hold the baby?
Are you comfortable with people taking photos of you or the baby? And are you comfortable with them posting the images on social media?
If you’re breastfeeding, will you breastfeed in front of other people?
If someone has a cold or is feeling unwell, can they visit?
Do you have any rules on hygiene? Do people have to wash their hands before touching the baby?

How do I cope with visitors straight after the birth?

Unii’s Giving Birth Journey explores dealing with guests after you’ve had a baby.