No matter how much you love your little one, there’s no doubt about it—sometimes, you’re likely going to feel like their servant. And for a while, you may feel your time management going completely out the window, repeating the same mantra to everyone you talk to: “I just don’t know where the day goes!”

It's easy to have unrealistic expectations about what you’ll be able to accomplish when taking care of a newborn. Maybe you thought you could go to the gym before everyone wakes up, get work done while the baby is napping, or run all your important errands while the baby is strapped to you. Now, we’re not saying that these things aren’t possible, but the higher the bar you set for yourself, the more you’ll feel disappointed in yourself when you don’t meet it.

We know that setting goals for yourself can feel motivating, but with a newborn, the fewer goals you set, the better. Especially as nothing is in your control in the first few weeks of your baby’s life. And if you have unrealistic expectations of what you can accomplish in a day, it's very easy to feel frustrated with your baby.

Tips to keep a realistic frame of mind after birth:

Surrender to the experience. Accept that when you have a newborn, it’s unlikely that anything will go according to plan. The more you can expect the unexpected, the easier these first few weeks will be.
Remind yourself that this will pass. This feeling of timelessness and chaos will not last forever, and soon you and your baby will get into the swing of things and return to some sort of routine.
Set small-task goals. Look for small, discrete tasks that you can carry out to completion that involve minimal struggle. For example, wiping the surface of your coffee table or five minutes of gentle stretching Focusing on small, doable tasks will help you feel a sense of control and accomplishment.
Do something you’re really good at. Nothing brings a sense of empowerment back into your life more than doing something you’re great at. Maybe it’s playing an instrument, dancing, or giving advice to a friend; do something you used to do all the time before becoming a mum.
Learn to accept that you can’t do it all. Your list of priorities will likely change every day. And some days, surviving will be at the top of that list. At the end of the day, when you’re wondering what you accomplished, remember that you kept your baby alive, fed, and clean!
Get comfortable with the mess. Having a baby is messy; the more you get comfortable with that fact, the better. Even if you have numerous people helping with the baby, it can still feel like baby stuff takes over. For your own sanity, try to let your standards of clutter and cleanliness slide a little.
Reframe “should statements”. Reframing “should statements” will help reduce feelings of shame and keep your distorted perspective in check. The idea is to rephrase your “shoulds” with something more self-loving. For example, if your friends are coming around to see the newborn and you have the thought “I should get some snacks and tidy the house”, tell yourself, “My friends will understand I’m still recovering and that usually I’m a good host.” Or if you have the thought, “I should make the bed every morning,” instead say, “I’ll make the bed if I have time and feel like it, but otherwise, I’m going to prioritise more important things like having a shower.”

How do I keep a realistic frame of mind right after birth?

Reframe a postpartum mindset affected by change, hormones and fatigue.