As many birthing mothers reading this will know, hormones can dramatically amplify your emotions. When you’re happy, you’re ecstatic; when you’re sad, you’re devastated; and when you’re angry, you’re explosive.

During pregnancy, oestrogen and progesterone (hormones associated with your sexual drive) increase. But after birth, oestrogen and progesterone levels drop dramatically and are replaced with a surge of oxytocin for the bonding and breastfeeding rocesses. This can replace a woman’s urge to connect intimately through sex with an urge to nurture and love her baby.

As well as the significant drops in oestrogen and progesterone and the surge of oxytocin, there is also a surge in the milk-making hormone prolactin to support the breastfeeding process.

The thing to remember, both as a birthing mother and their respective partner, is that every woman’s response to these hormonal shifts is unique. Some women's sexual desire increases during the pregnancy hormone surge, while for others, it decreases. For obvious reasons, most women will report that, just after birth, they do not desire sex right away. And during the time following, it takes women varying amounts of time to revive their desire for sex post-birth. Remember, sexual desire and activity naturally ebb and flow.

So, let’s take a look at the ways in which you and your partner can bring back intimacy with these hormonal shifts in mind.

How do we support each other during these hormonal shifts?

There’s no predicting exactly how or when these hormonal shifts will affect each individual, but if both you and your partner are aware of their impact, you’ll find you’re better equipped to offer one another support during this transition.

And speaking of support, we’d like to offer up a few useful tips to support you and your partner during these hormonal shifts and bring a deeper level of intimacy and connection to your relationship.

Tips for birthing mums:

When you’re feeling a little “off” or peculiar, or perhaps a lot more emotionally reactive than usual, this may be a clue that something is shifting hormonally.

Tune into what you need and make a request to your partner about how they can support you best right now.

Let your hormones help you redefine romance. By tuning in to your hormones and becoming aware of what you need, you can find various levels of connection with your partner. Some days you may need cuddles or a shoulder to cry on; sometimes you’ll need to wrestle or a pillow fight to diffuse tension; and on other days you may need your sexual needs satisfied!

Keep communicating with your partner about your experience. This will help them know how to support you through these changes.

Tips for non-birthing partners:

Understand that your partner’s body is going through huge internal changes, which can affect their moods and emotions.

Ask how your partner is doing, and do so often. Inviting your partner into a regular conversation about how they feel and what they’re experiencing will build a level of ease, trust, and safety that will only serve to deepen your connection.

Never judge your partner’s experience. If they’re upset or angry, don’t invalidate their experience or lead with your judgement. Instead, listen to your partner and ask what they need from you in that particular moment.

Be creative about how to introduce new levels of romance to your relationship.

How do hormones affect your sex life?

On Unii’s Love, Sex and Parenting Journey, we look at how post-pregnancy hormones affect a couple’s sexual life.