Decision-making takes on a whole new meaning once kids come into the picture. Maybe you and your partner were great at mutually agreeing on wedding decor or what hotel to stay in on holiday, but the decisions you make pre-kids are nothing compared to the decisions you have to make after you’ve become parents!

Every day you make decisions – some big, some small. And every decision has a ripple effect on your family's future. While you and your partner may disagree on some or many things, it’s important that decision-making is a collaborative process. This will help you both develop a sense of trust in each other and allow you to make decisions with greater ease.

However, it’s not always easy to stay on the same team. Especially when you really don’t agree with a decision that your partner feels very passionately about. But the thing is, you don’t have to agree. What you do need to remember is to give each other the respect you both deserve when it comes to expressing important family-related matters.

Let’s take a look at our 7 steps to make the decision-making process a little easier for you and your partner.

Our 7-step guide for effective decision-making

Find a time

Decide on a time to sit down with your partner to discuss a pending decision. Maybe you and your partner already have an allocated time in the week to check in, but if not, choose a time when you’re both in a good emotional headspace and have the capacity to discuss your decision. You might want to save these discussions during your baby’s nap time so there are no distractions.

Be clear on your mutual agenda

Remember, the underlying reason for making decisions isn’t so you can win the ‘best parent award’, it’s about making the very best choices for your family.

Be clear on your decision

Be crystal clear on exactly what your options are and why it’s important to you to come to that decision. This might involve talking to trusted people and doing a bit of research prior to your discussion.

Share with your partner

Express your opinion, and explain how you came to this conclusion. Once you have fully articulated yourself, invite your partner to share their thoughts and feelings on the matter.

Stay open-minded about your partner’s response

Stay curious and open-minded when your partner is sharing their views. Listen actively and ask questions to better understand their perspective.

Negotiate

All of life is horse-trading to some degree, especially in relationships. After hearing one another out, try to find some common ground and think win-win. Some decisions may require a series of difficult conversations. Be patient, and remember to take breaks. Schedule a catch-up time for when you’ll both be well rested and ready to try again.

You’re allowed to change your mind.

Few of us can claim to be consistent in love, and we may change our minds for any number of reasons. Keep that in mind when making a compromise. Things are rarely set in stone when a family is growing, and you can change or adjust your situation if you become unhappy.

Decision-making as a team should feel like far less of a hassle when you follow these steps, but you can also lay some healthy groundwork in advance.

So, what makes a successful decision-making process?

Stay honest and maintain mutual respect when you speak to one another.

Be open to your partner sharing things you may not have considered.

Fully express yourself. Don’t compromise your integrity or ask your partner to compromise theirs.

Listen to your partner without interruption. Maintain eye contact and repeat back what your partner says.

Never shame, criticise, or undermine your partner’s choice, no matter how little sense it makes to you. Be committed to understanding your partner’s perspective, no matter what.

Always reach a compromise that feels right for both of you.

How do new parents make decisions as a team?

On Unii’s Love, Sex and Parenting Journey, we offer some easy ways new parents can share decision-making.