Before you became a parent it was probably pretty easy to work out what you needed. You likely needed sleep, food, exercise, connection, laughter, creativity, alone time, couple time, and work time – sound about right? But life after kids is a whole different story! Your needs not only shift significantly, but you’ll probably also find yourself wondering – What exactly are my needs?

When a baby is born, life becomes baby, baby, and more baby! But as parents, it’s important that you and your partner still do your best to get your needs met. Because when you also put yourselves at the top of your priority list, parenting becomes a whole lot easier. If that’s not a good enough reason to get your needs met, we don't know what is!

So, what exactly are needs?

Your needs are what make you feel most alive. They recharge you and light you up, and, in turn, help you become a better person, parent, and partner.

Here are 5 steps to support you and your partner in getting your needs met.

How can both my partner and I have our needs met?

In a relationship, it takes two to value one another’s needs. You can’t expect your partner to value your needs if you don’t value theirs, and vice versa. And the key to valuing each other’s needs is honesty, openness and respect for each other’s needs. These 5 steps will help you and your partner identify your needs and communicate effectively.

Identify your own needs

Think about the things you loved doing before you had kids. Be honest and try not to censor yourself. The point of this exercise is to identify how you loved spending your time. Then pick 3 things you loved doing that you can bring into your life now.

Share your needs with each other

Talk to your partner about your top 3 needs and theirs and discuss how you can work together to bring these things into your lives on a regular basis.

Negotiate ways you can both get your needs met.

Share how you would like your partner to support you and invite them to share how they would like you to support them. Then negotiate how you can both get each other’s needs met.

Communicate respectfully

Remember to communicate kindly and be sensitive to your partner’s feelings. Communicating openly and being solution-oriented will help you to find something that works for both of you.

Carve out time for a check-in

Have regular check-ins with your partner so you can update each other on your needs and how you would each like support.

How do new parents value each other’s needs?

From Unii’s Love, Sex and Parenting Journey, we share how new parents can show they value one another’s desires.