Editor’s Note: This article by Natalie Mossayebi complements Episode 14 and 15 of Unii’s Love, Sex and Parenting Journey.

How can we balance work and family life as a team?

Finding a healthy balance between work and family life is never easy, and as you’ll already know, it becomes especially difficult once you’ve become a parent. But if work and family-related decisions can be made consciously and as a team, this complex juggling act becomes a delightful double act!

Before we explore the best ways to balance work and family life, let’s take a look at a few common scenarios that often lead to imbalance.

What are the ways my work/family life can get out of balance?

There are several factors that can get in the way and cause work and family life to become a little lopsided, but the most common include:

You and your partner are at different points in your career

Maybe you or your partner are choosing a new direction in life. Either you’ve decided to launch a new career or your partner has chosen to take a break to be more present with the children. Whatever it is, any decision you make regarding your career can change the dynamics of your family and may result in you or your partner feeling an imbalance.

You or your partner is a stay-at-home parent

If you or your partner are functioning as the primary parent, and have therefore decided not to work and essentially run the household, this can result in an imbalance. While looking after the kids and running the household is physically and psychologically demanding, it’s also ‘invisible labour’ – meaning that it’s unpaid and hard to track. This can then often lead to misunderstandings, where one partner feels underappreciated.

You or your partner are working too much

When you’re not in a relationship, working too much only affects you. When you have a family, working too much affects everyone – especially your partner. Although working is a financial necessity when you have kids, if you or your partner is feeling totally burnt out from looking after the kids on their own, this again can lead to feeling an imbalance.

You or your partner are parenting too much

Maybe you and your partner both work and share equal parenting responsibilities, but one of you feels more equipped than the other when it comes to certain duties. For example, you may feel like you know your kids’ eating habits better so it’s just easier to pack the lunches and make their dinner. This is not a bad thing in and of itself, but if you believe you have to ‘do it all’, you may end up pushing your partner out of your team, which can result in a disconnect between you.

You or your partner are engaging in too much or too little self-care

Although the balance we’re referring to is primarily the work-family life balance, not all imbalances relate to work. How you and your partner take care of yourselves also needs to be in balance. For example, if one partner wants to join a club or start a hobby, but it’s taking too much time away from parental duties, the other partner may feel they have to sacrifice their own self-care to accommodate. That being said, it’s important that you and your partner both do things that nourish your mind, body, and soul, so the whole family can benefit.

Taking all of this into consideration, let’s take a look at some ways you can balance out work and family life together as a team.

How do we balance work and family life as a team?

If you or your partner are feeling like things are a little off-balance, it’s important that you communicate this with one another. Remember, balance is subjective - what feels good to you can feel off-balance to your partner, and vice versa. The key is to stay with what feels true for you while also being aware that your partner may be feeling something different. Here are some things to consider when balancing work and family life as a team.

What needs to be balanced out?

Share with your partner what you feel is out of balance. Maybe you feel that you or your partner are working too much, or maybe you’d like some more time to do what you enjoy. Whatever it is, be respectful, kind, and give your partner constructive communication – requesting what you would like instead of complaining about what you don't like.

Rate your enjoyment level

Discuss how many hours per week you spend on certain duties, for example, your job, household duties, looking after your kids, spending time with your partner, and self-care. Now rate your enjoyment level for each part of your life. This will help you and your partner decide what needs to be prioritised and brought into balance. For example, one of you might really enjoy taking your little ones on the swings or to swimming classes but the other one doesn’t. This is valuable information that will help you balance out your parental duties in a way that best suits both of you.

Reach out to people

Sometimes, balance is a hard thing to achieve. Maybe you’re not getting enough time to spend alone with your partner or together as a family, or maybe you’re just about to launch a big project at work and yet, you don’t want to take away from your partner’s work commitments either. Once you’ve communicated this with your family, you may want to consider asking for some support. Ask friends or family members who you trust to do essential duties like picking your kids up from school or taking them to an activity. A lot of the time they will be happy to help out – especially if you can repay the favour!

Accept that life will get out of balance

Sometimes there will be times when you have allowed your work or family life to take priority, and that’s okay! After all, it’s impossible to have all aspects of life in balance at all times. For example, when your little one is sick, you may have to miss a work event, or when you have an important deadline to meet, you may have to work late and miss the family dinner. The important thing is to not let these imbalances become the norm. Keep having conversations with your partner and don’t forget to regularly reassess for imbalances.

How do we balance work and family life as a team? (part 1)

From Unii’s Love, Sex and Parenting Journey, we share advice mastering the work-life balance as a couple.