There is no end to the list of baby duties that need doing once your little one arrives. To begin with, they need to be fed every two hours, and because they signal to you when there’s something wrong by crying, there will be plenty of tears!

They cry when their nappy needs changing, when they’re tired and hungry, when they have gas, when they need a cuddle, and when they’re scared or lonely. And because crying activates a primal response in humans to nurture and protect our children, you’ll naturally be up in the middle of the night and on high alert throughout the day, always ready to respond to your baby’s every need. And this inevitably leads to sleep deprivation, irritability, and a tendency to be a little snappy with your partner. So conflicts are sure to arise!

And to top it off, you also need to take care of your own needs, which, of course, have to be done with the baby. You will more than likely have a shower with your baby, go to the toilet with your baby, brush your hair with your baby, drive your car with your baby, sleep with your baby, and get dressed with your baby. And let’s not forget the neverending list of everything you have to stock up on -the diapers, the crib, the baby toys, the baby food.

And on top of all this, there’s the matter of your partner's needs! Whose relationship wouldn't find all of this newfound stress and sudden lack of sleep difficult?

But please hear us when we say, these feelings are completely normal. And as a result, all parents of newborns experience conflicts in their relationship during this brand-new journey.

That being said, these conflicts can be diminished and resolved! But before we get to that, let’s find out what happens if we experience these intense sensations over a long period of time.

What happens when I’m sleep-deprived and stressed for long periods of time?

Mild depression. Sleep deprivation can biologically result in feelings of depression even when there is nothing to be depressed about. Let’s take a look at the research and further explore this.

One study examined healthy young adults, none of which had children, and deprived them of deep sleep every night for one month. When they were evaluated at the end of that month, every one of them was found to have developed clinical depression. And don’t forget, while these volunteers were sleep-deprived, they didn't have to tend to a screaming baby throughout the night.

What’s more, when we’re sleep-deprived and stressed, everything feels harder. We lose our sense of humour and we react to our partners more harshly. In essence, we become a lot more emotionally unstable. Our partners irritate us more than usual and everything seems to be too much! But, the good news is, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship. You’re just deprived of some much-needed rest.

So let yourself off the hook! And let your partner off the hook! And remember, you’re both in this together.

Now, let's take a look at how you and your partner can find some calm within the chaos.

How do I embrace this challenging time?

Sleep deprivation and stress will affect you both differently, but if you can enter parenthood expecting to come up against certain challenges and understand that you’re both going to act in ways that aren’t quite like you, it will be easier to accept this process as the rollercoaster ride that it is. And it can even be a fun ride if you allow it!

You are both going through a tremendous transition in your life, so be easy on yourselves, be easy on one another, and remember, your baby screaming through the night will not last forever. It might be hard to believe right now, but we promise it will pass!

Remember to breathe and to keep surrendering to the process. This phase will pass, and soon you’ll be reminiscing about the good ol’ days when your baby was an adorable newborn!

Before we let you get back to your little one, and your loving partner, we'll leave you with a few things to bear in mind.

Three things to remember when you’re stressed and sleep-deprived:

Your partner is your ally, not your enemy.
These strong emotions; the overwhelm, the challenges, the stresses, the lack of sleep – this is all normal! Feeling stressed is a natural part of being a parent. Go easy on yourself and your partner.
When you’re feeling low, it does not mean you’re in a bad relationship. It means you’re having a very normal reaction to a very challenging experience.

How does stress and sleep deprivation affect your relationship?

From Unii’s Love, Sex and Parenting Journey, we highlight when it’s not you – it’s just stress and sleep deprivation.