Having begun your toddler's sleep training, you’re finding nights a bit hectic, and understandably so. There’s a lot of crying, some shouting, and quite a few tantrums. And on top of that, you might be feeling a bit guilty about letting your little one cry it out sometimes. We know it’s hard and that all you want to do is curl up all nice and warm in your duvet, lay your head on the pillow, and drift off into the deepest of sleeps. But don’t forget how well you and your little one are doing, and remember, eventually you’ll all be sleeping through the night. So keep at it!

In the meantime, to help alleviate some of your guilt, we’ve put together a small table that should help you figure out when and how best to respond to tears, crying, and tantrums.

But before we get to that, we strongly believe that regularly putting yourself in your toddler’s shoes can help us to respond accordingly, so let’s explore why they might be crying during sleep training.

Why does my toddler cry at night during sleep training?

If your child has just begun sleeping on their own, they’re adjusting to a big change that will understandably feel very difficult at times. Now, in their own room, they miss your presence and the comforting sound of your breathing just metres away. They might also be contending with a fear of the dark and some separation anxiety. They’re still getting used to a new sleep environment that feels very different, and this, like all changes, will take some time.

So, keeping all of this in mind, let’s find out how we should respond to tears, crying, and tantrums during sleep training.

When and how should I intervene if my toddler is crying at night?

To make things nice and easy for you to digest, we’ve put differing levels of tears and protest on the one side and a suitable reaction on the other. Of course, you know your child best, but this is a good rule of thumb to work by.

Your toddler’s level of tears and protest:	Your response:
A few sniffles, moaning, and a small cry.	No response necessary.
Persistent calling out and whinging.	Firmly reassure them through the baby monitor or the closed bedroom door.
Intermittent crying and shouts of protest.	Quickly visit their bedroom to deliver words of reassurance.
Angry shouting and calling out, with some tears.	Visit their bedroom a few times to reassure them but leave a longer gap before returning again.
Lots of shouting and protests, with substantial sobbing.	Intermittent visits to mop up tears, and a few reassurances offered through the baby monitor or bedroom door.
Serious crying and wailing, and calling out for help.	Visit their room and stay for a couple of minutes to reassure them. If necessary, repeat this a few minutes later.
Intermittent screaming, crying, and angry demands.	Visit their room and stay for 5 minutes to reassure them. If necessary, repeat this a few minutes later. Don’t interact other than to give reassurances.
Angry shouting and screaming.	Stand by the open door so your child can see you and offer reassurances, but don’t offer up too much conversation or interaction.
Intense screaming and extreme crying.	Enter their room and hold them firmly until they’ve calmed down and can be put back into bed. If they cry again, revert to the previous points.
Intense screaming, followed by a tantrum, and even vomiting.	Clean up any vomit if necessary then sit on their bed and hold them, staying with them until they’ve calmed down.

Note, the last 2 examples won’t happen to most children, but it’s always useful to have a strategy in place.

Note that the last two examples won’t happen to most children, but it’s always useful to have a strategy in place.

Try to bear in mind that the severity of tears will be at its worst during the first few solo nights, but it should gradually lessen over time as they get used to the adjustment. After all, they are just protesting the changes being made, and they aren't necessarily able to communicate that to you. Make sure you stay consistent!

If your toddler seems to be beyond consoling and you feel that their reaction is beyond their level of normal, it could be down to digestive discomfort or a dietary intolerance that needs closer attention. If you believe this to be the case, don’t hesitate to speak to a doctor.

When and how should I respond to tears, crying and tantrums during sleep training?

On Unii’s Toddler Sleep Journey, we ask how to respond to tears, crying, and tantrums during sleep training.